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“Do you see me as a woman?”
Yoonwoo grimaced. “Ah, that again! I said I was sorry.”
“What? You don’t see me as a woman?”
“Unni, stop teasing him. Let’s go.”
“Me? Teasing?” Jieun pressed. “Yoonwoo, why aren’t you answering? What’s there to be sorry about? Don’t I look like a woman to you?”
Cute. The word rang hollowly in Jieun’s ears. It was a term applied to dogs, cats, goldfish—even snails and insects. For twenty years, she’d heard it over and over.
But reacting with anger only painted her as oversensitive.
She often heard comments like, “Calm down, it was a joke. I don’t think you’re actually a kid. Why so serious?”
She yearned to be called beautiful, womanly, and sexy. But longing for the unattainable bred only heartache. Jieun knew the important thing was knowing when to give up, and the sooner, the better.
Jieun adapted quickly, learning to stand alongside those who teased her. She considered herself no different from a cat or dog and spun her insecurities into a joke. Because of this, people seemed to think she was a very pleasant person.
But the truth was, she didn’t like being called cute or adorable. It might be different if those compliments were accompanied by sincere affection, but for Jieun, such praise always felt light and meaningless.
Getting excited by such compliments only ended in disappointment because no man had ever liked her enough to ask her out. Jieun had been bluntly told by men that someone as petite as her didn’t look womanly enough.
Perhaps “cute” was just another word for indifference.
Her appearance seemed to render her romantically invisible. Maybe she needed to try various methods to engage in a relationship. Some women received endless kinds of attention without a break: constant questions, jokes, unsolicited chivalry at parties, hangover remedies handed to them without asking, ice cream, and more.
Jieun didn’t crave such treatment, but it felt awful when she realized that she quickly became invisible when another attractive woman was around.
After Hyerim joined the club, Jieun felt this way whenever she attended drinks. Male students who once eagerly discussed movies with Jieun now barely glanced her way, their focus solely on Hyerim. The shift felt like a betrayal.
But silently complaining about it changed nothing. Jieun knew it wasn’t Hyerim’s fault—her beauty was both innate and cultivated. It wasn’t fair to envy the kind, hardworking Hyerim, nor did Jieun truly want to be in her shoes. Hyerim seemed exhausted by the constant attention. It was just the drastic change in the men’s behavior around Hyerim that was unpleasant.
So, Jieun abandoned her expectations and decided just to enjoy drinking. But, her increased tolerance for alcohol unintentionally drew more attention.
“Jieun, are you really okay? Can you handle that much?”
“Noona! We’re going for a drink today, right?”
She had thought these men shared her passion for movies, loving nothing more than a good film discussion. But in Hyerim’s presence, such movie chats were tossed aside, and their attention diverted to stealing glances at Hyerim’s figure and commenting on Jieun’s drinking.
Was Pixar’s storytelling really less captivating than a woman’s chest?
After the club meeting, Jieun complained to Hyerim about the behavior, but Hyerim simply responded, “That’s just how guys are.”
She was wrong. Not all men were like that. It was just with Hyerim. Or maybe men just acted differently with Jieun.
***
“You said that to Yoonwoo? Why do you flirt so hard with him?”
It was Thursday morning, a day after they went to the dumpling place. Hyerim and Jieun were discussing Hyerim’s meal plans with Yoonwoo. Although Jieun had felt a bit uneasy when Hyerim became so serious, she hadn’t anticipated that she would take her flirting to such an extent.
“But now we can meet every mealtime, so it turned out well, right? So come over for lunch at my place later, Unni!”
“Huh? I can come?”
Of course! Aren’t we supposed to eat together today?”
Jieun hesitated. “Me joining after you’ve set such an intimate mood would be… awkward.”
“Am I supposed to ditch you to eat alone with Yoonwoo? That’s not right. Besides, even after all this, he’s still looking for an escape.”
“Really? He’s persistent. Do you think he has a problem… down there?”
Hyerim paused, considering. “Maybe? What should I do? How do I subtly suggest he see a urologist?”
“Hyerim, I was joking.”
Jieun had suspected Hyerim’s romantic inexperience when she’d shared a fantasy about reuniting with a childhood friend like Haku from the animation. She’d assumed any man Hyerim chose would reciprocate, given her attractiveness.
When she finally met Yoonwoo, he was just as charming as Hyerim had described. He had a pretty face, a slender yet muscular physique, polite manners, and a beautifully soft voice that made Jieun order alcohol to calm her nerves.
She couldn’t deny her attraction, but showing interest while sitting next to Hyerim, who’d pined for Yoonwoo for over a decade, seemed foolish. So Jieun drank, playing the role of a friend interested only in alcohol and movies.
As the night progressed, Jieun noticed something odd about Yoonwoo. Unlike most men, whose gazes would linger on Hyerim’s womanly figure, Yoonwoo’s eyes avoided people altogether.
He’d lower his head, startling at sudden sounds or when addressed. His expression remained almost lifeless, rarely cracking a smile.
He resembled a scolded puppy, tail tucked between its legs. The pity it stirred awakened Jieun’s nurturing instincts. She understood why Hyerim might assert herself so confidently.
“What if it’s really that?” Hyerim mused. “What if he can’t have children or something?”
“Why are you so worried about that? If you’re that concerned, why don’t you check it out during lunch and see if it works properly? I’ll eat somewhere else.”
Jieun knew she shouldn’t say such things. Playful remarks flowed from her lips, regardless of her feelings or mood. This was why the inner turmoil in her heart often went unnoticed by others.
“Unni!”
“It’s not that far-fetched, right? You just need some privacy…”
“We talked for a long time in Yoonwoo’s studio, even bumping into each other, and he didn’t even look at me.”
“How can a guy have that much self-control? There must be something wrong with him.”
“Exactly!” Hyerim exclaimed. “Anyway, come for lunch. I’ve prepared enough for you, too.”
“Oh, what did you make?”
“Chicken stir-fry and salad.”
Jieun grimaced. “Yeah, you guys can eat without me.”
“Really? I made yours, too.”
“Hyerim, seriously? I told you I don’t like eating grass!”
“You need to eat your greens to grow taller!”
“Height is all genetics! Do you know how much milk and green juice I drank until high school? I’ve given up now. I’ll eat what I want!”
“Unni, you’ll get constipated if you don’t eat vegetables. And your soft, baby skin will roughen up if you keep eating junk.”
“I don’t care anymore! It’s about time I shed my baby skin and grew adult skin. And alcohol helps with constipation.”
“Unni, really! What if Yoonwoo gets all down thinking you’re not coming because of him?”
“Tell him I’m not going because of the grass, not because of him.”
Hyerim sighed loudly. “Then what do you want to have for lunch?”
“I’m craving some proper street food. You know I love kimbap. But it’s so annoying to go out. Isn’t there a good delivery place?”
“If I make you tuna mayo rice balls, will you come?”
“Oh, sure. That sounds great.”
“I’ll make them, so come over.”
“Do you have time to make them?”
“I’ve already cooked some rice, so it’ll be quick.”
“Then I’ll eat and nap in your bed,” Jieun said with a satisfied chuckle.
When Jieun was young, her mom always suggested cooking together on weekends. They had cooked simple things that kids could make in a fun way, like kimbap or rice balls. It had felt good to cook together, and she liked that she could put in her favorite ingredients.
Tuna mayo remained her favorite. Even as an adult, her taste hadn’t changed. She only bought tuna mayo kimbap; everyone knew her love for it.
Jieun often wondered if consuming excessive tuna mayo would eventually diminish her longing for her mother, who had tragically taken her own life. But it seemed this habit might persist for years before her feelings changed.
***
“So I ended up making rice balls, Yoonwoo. You should try some.”
“You cooked a lot. Thanks, it looks delicious.”
“Hyerim, this grilled rice ball is yummy.”
Yoonwoo entered Hyerim’s house at lunchtime feeling very nervous, but he felt relieved after seeing Jieun lounging on the bed. Despite being a studio apartment, Hyerim’s place was quite spacious. A folding table was laid on the floor, and Hyerim was grilling rice balls.
“Unnie, you’re not going to eat the salad?”
The previous night, Hyerim and Yoonwoo had ordered salad together. She had insisted on ordering extra servings with the plan to make Jieun eat it. It seemed her commitment to improving Jieun’s eating habits had remained steadfast.
“No thanks,” Jieun replied.
“Are you going to be picky and eat meat and rice balls only?”
“Yes.”
Hyerim sounded like a mother trying to persuade a picky child. Although Jieun was a year older than them, her speech and actions seemed younger. Jieun appeared most adult-like when she was drinking.
“I’m working hard grilling these rice balls for you. Can you please try a little salad? For me?” Hyerim pleaded.
“I’ll eat it if you feed me.”
Hyerim laughed and shot back, “You think I won’t? Here… Why are you closing your mouth?”
“Wait!” Jieun said loudly. “I’ll eat it if Yoonwoo feeds me.”
“Seriously?” Hyerim turned to Yoonwoo. “She wants you to feed her. Hurry up and do it.”
“Huh?”
Yoonwoo, quietly eating chicken breast, looked startled at suddenly being the center of attention. The chicken was part of Hyerim’s food order and was deliciously tender, shredded, and stir-fried with curry powder.
“Unni, no taking it back. Yoonwoo, hurry and feed her.”
“Are you serious? Hyerim, it was just a joke,” Jieun said, cheeks flushing pink.
“Yoonwoo. Why aren’t you doing it?”
“Yoonwoo? You know it was a joke, right? You won’t really do it, will you?” Jieun said, panic edging her voice.
Yoonwoo looked back and forth between the two of them. Hyerim’s demand would unsettle Jieun, yet his fear of Hyerim outweighed any discomfort. Had he ever successfully defied her? It seemed there was no choice.
If I can’t resist anyway, it’s best not to provoke her and comply quickly.
With that thought, Yoonwoo picked up some salad with Jieun’s chopsticks and brought it to her mouth.
“Sorry, Noona… Um, want to try?”
“What is this? You’re crazy.”
“Didn’t you say you’d eat if Yoonwoo fed you?” Hyerim said. “Why aren’t you eating?”
“Ahhh…” Jieun opened her mouth slightly but immediately felt self-conscious. She picked up her chopsticks and declared, “No, this isn’t right. I’ll just eat with my own two hands, thank you very much.”
“How is it?” Hyerim asked, grinning. “You’ll get used to the taste as you eat more. I’ve ordered enough salad for both of us, so let’s eat plenty whenever you come.”
“I have to eat grass every time I visit? Can’t I just stop coming?”
“Then Yoonwoo will feel hurt. Right, Yoonwoo?”
“Huh? Yeah… right.”
“Hey, Yoonwoo, you wimp!” Jieun smacked his shoulder lightly. “Is Hyerim blackmailing you? Why do you only listen to her?”
“But Hyerim’s right, Noona. You need to eat your vegetables.”
Yoonwoo, despite feeling indebted to Hyerim for the food, genuinely agreed. Due to his small appetite, any dietary restrictions immediately brought on side effects. His eyebrows would twitch, his body would swell in places, or he would develop rough patches of skin. While no one would pay attention to such anomalies on him, it would be a pity to see Jieun’s soft face become rough and uneven.
“Why are you only concerned about how Hyerim reacts? What about me?” Jieun protested. “Aren’t we in the same major? They say one in three classes overlaps in the Econ department, right?”
“I’m taking three majors, but none overlap,” Yoonwoo countered.
“What are you taking?”
“Economic Mathematics, Korean Economic History, and Classical Economics.”
“See! Except for Economic Mathematics, everything overlaps.”
“Really?” Yoonwoo furrowed his brow in confusion. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in class.”
“Strange. I’ve attended before… Oh, but I’ve never gone to Classical Economics.”
“Aren’t you worried about your grades?”
“I only skip the classes that don’t require attendance, so it’s okay. If I babble something about mercantilism, Adam Smith, and Ricardo on the exam, they’ll at least give me a B. I memorized a lot for another class last semester.”
“Noona, are you talking about the Classical Economics class? Because that has nothing to do with classical economic theory, you know.”
“What? Then what’s that class about?” Jieun asked, her eyes widening with surprise.
“It covers Guanzi’s economic policies, economics in Aristotle’s philosophies, that sort of thing,” Yoonwoo explained.
“What the heck, who’s Guanzi? Gandhi?”
“No, it’s a text. Guan Zhong, remember?”
“Oh? I thought Fushu was the good guy and Guan Zhong was trash?”
“Not quite. Didn’t you read the syllabus? It’s all there.”
“I saw attendance wasn’t graded, so I ignored the rest. Guess I’ll have to look at it now and catch up with the textbook or something.”
“That class doesn’t have a textbook.”
“Yoonwoo,” Jieun said slowly, “could you show me your notes? I’ll buy you a thank-you drink.”
“No, it’s okay. You already bought drinks for me last time. But you need to attend the class to understand it.”
“It’s 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. on Fridays. How can I attend after Thursday drinks?”
“Maybe don’t drink on Thursdays,” Yoonwoo said, smiling wryly.
“No way. Do you know how fun Thursday nights are? Yoonwoo, I’ll buy you a drink every week, so could you give me your notes every week? Even if I don’t understand what it’s about, if I just study those, I think I can scrounge a C minus.”
“You don’t have to buy me anything. I’ll just send you the notes as soon as I organize them.”
“Awesome!”
“Yoonwoo, how can you agree to that?” Hyerim asked in a loud voice. “I’m trying to get her to cut down on drinking. If she doesn’t attend the class, just don’t give her the notes.”
“Yoonwoo? You won’t do that, right? Jieun protested, turning to him. “You’ll help me, right? I might be able to help you with other subjects. I’m your senior, after all.”
“Uh… Well…”
Yonwoo felt conflicted. Hyerim was trying to get Jieun to reduce her drinking, and he was worried he might be encouraging Jieun’s binge drinking by helping her skip class. But this could be a perfect opportunity to repay Jieun for the chicken and the movie tickets.
“Gosh, Hyerim, you’re watching me like a hawk. Fine, I’ll go sometimes and doze off. If I lie behind Yoonwoo, the professor probably won’t see me, right?”
“I’m not saying you have to attend class. I’m saying don’t drink.”
“Got it.”
“Really?” Hyerim narrowed her eyes.
“If I don’t get caught, it’s the same as not drinking, right? How would you know what I’m doing on Thursday evening?”
“Unni, I’m sleeping over at your place on Thursdays starting today.”
“What?! No, I don’t have plans today…”
Observing their interaction as he washed the dishes, Yoonwoo couldn’t help but notice that Hyerim and Jieun seemed like siblings. Their voices sounded almost identical, but the way they talked was totally different. Hyerim’s meddling might seem excessive, but Jieun didn’t seem to mind. She only pouted like a sulky child and grumbled.
After washing the last dish, he turned to Jieun and Hyerim. “Well, I have a fifth-period class, so I should get going. Thanks for lunch. It was really yummy.”
“Alright, see you tonight, Yoonwoo. What about you, Unni?”
“I’m sleepy. I’ll just take a nap here.”
“Noona? Your fifth-period class is Korean Economic History…”
“Why does that matter?”
“Because you just said you’re attending from now on.”
“It’s okay. That class has textbooks. Enjoy class, Yoonwoo.”
With those words, Jieun lay on Hyerim’s bed, pulled the blanket up to her neck, and settled in for a nap. Suddenly, Hyerim yanked the blanket away.
“What the hell! It’s cold. Give me the blanket back.”
“Get up. Go to class,” Hyerim ordered.
“I already said it’s fine. I’m about to go into a food coma. Can you pass me the blanket? Actually, do you think I can’t sleep without it? You’re underestimating me,” Jieun said, grabbing a jacket from the floor and placing it over her like a blanket.
Hyerim, not missing a beat, picked up Jieun from the bed and set her down on the floor. For someone who could lift a hundred kilograms at the gym, scooping up the petite Jieun, who barely weighed half that, was easy.
“Ugh, Hyerim, just let it go.”
“Go on. Hurry.”
Unable to protest any longer, Jieun had no choice but to follow Yoonwoo to class.
“Shoot… This class really does have a textbook, and they don’t even take attendance. Hmph…”
It took less than five minutes to get to the classroom, but Jieun grumbled all the way there.