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Delusional Love

19

Chapter 19

Damn, that made me ridiculously nervous.

Jieun’s heart raced as she entered her Literature class. The more she tried to forget, the more vividly she remembered—Yoonwoo’s soft voice, his strong arms wrapping around her waist to catch her, and the warmth of his body.

She’d always suppressed any romantic desires. It was better to stay friends rather than risk serious attachment and end up hurt or treated like a younger sister.

Most guys who showed interest weren’t serious anyway. They only saw her as an easy catch. Unlike Hyerim, guys viewed Jieun as fun to date but not worth the effort of a relationship.

She refused to be someone’s easy option. She wasn’t that desperate—or so she kept telling herself. Life had plenty to offer without romance.

Guys often liked her young and chirpy voice in online games, but she never revealed herself. The image they imagined would surely be too different from reality.

Sometimes she wondered why her relationships seemed doomed to be different from Hyerim’s. But this thinking bred jealousy, making Jieun endlessly compare herself to her friend.

It was like a drop of ink in water, darkening her usually bright outlook and filling her with self-loathing for her petty jealousy. Being small was burden enough, so she always rushed to scrub away these dark thoughts. Drinking helped with that.

Despite her envy, she didn’t crave Hyerim’s attention for herself. There was no need to fixate on what she lacked. She chose to appreciate life’s simple pleasures and build positive friendships, even if it meant pretending.

But Yoonwoo’s sudden appearance unsettled her. She’d assumed she’d just drink freely with him and Hyerim, being herself as usual. After all, attention would naturally flow to Hyerim. If Yoonwoo did happen to pay attention to Jieun, it would most likely be the attention she had resolved to avoid: the easy catch guys.

Jieun had no respect for those types.

Yet Yoonwoo was unlike any guy she’d met. He reminded her of her favorite show, Animal Farm, where abused strays were rescued. Watching Yoonwoo stirred similar feelings; he seemed fragile and isolated. He was determined to keep others at a distance, making him hard to approach.

She chuckled inwardly when Yoonwoo tried to eat quickly and leave at Hyerim’s house. Even with someone as attractive as Hyerim, he maintained strong boundaries.

Oddly, Yoonwoo seemed more relaxed with her than with Hyerim. He’d even tried to feed her salad once.

Maybe if she played her cards right, Yoonwoo might choose her over Hyerim. After all, whoever rescues a stray first becomes its owner.

What if he ended up liking her instead of the perfect Hyerim? If, like earlier, he were to embrace her from behind, whispering things he’d never said to anyone else, things she had never heard anyone else say…

Jeez, what am I even thinking?

Jieun clutched her face and groaned loudly. Unfortunately, her distress caught the professor’s attention.

“Jieun?”

“Yes?”

“Do you have a question? You look troubled.”

“Oh? Uh… I was just wondering why a totem pole suddenly appeared here,” Jieun blurted out.

Despite her improvisation, the line about a man holding a totem pole was strange.

“Oh, that’s an excellent question!” The professor said, beaming at her. “You caught that? I was just about to explain it. Most people overlook this, but you didn’t. Well done.”

“Oh? Uh… Thank you?”

“This totem pole symbolizes incestuous love, the forbidden desires hidden in the man’s heart, metaphorically expressed through such symbols…”

What the hell is this class about? Why are we talking about incest? Forbidden love? What??

Modern Korean literature baffled her. In high school, she’d mocked literature classes demanding generic answers, but now she missed those days. At least then, the works were somewhat comprehensible. Now, every weird symbol had an even weirder interpretation.

Class ended early, but Jieun lingered nearby, hoping to see Yoonwoo again. She considered it a win if waiting a few minutes brought them closer.

After about five minutes, Yoonwoo’s class ended, and students began to exit the classroom. Jieun finally spotted Yoonwoo and greeted him, but a junior whose name she barely remembered interrupted them. The girl seemed desperate to drag Yoonwoo to a gathering, using Jieun for her own ends. Jieun found it despicable—to interrupt her moment with Yoonwoo after she had waited.

“What? Uh… Are you talking about you? You and Yoonwoo…”

“What, a little kid like me? No, he’s dating a goddess from Kyung University.”

Jieun’s heart ached as she said this. But Yoonwoo’s words after Saebyeol left stung even more.

“I know they don’t want me there, but they always ask. It’s hard to keep declining.”

He seemed to have some misplaced outsider complex. Didn’t he see Saebyeol’s desperation?

Jieun couldn’t fathom Yoonwoo’s perspective on life. Maybe he saw the world like a zombie movie, full of enemies. He might be that overly suspicious character who shoots first, too scared to check if someone’s really infected.

Yet somehow, Jieun had slipped past Yoonwoo’s defenses, following headstrong Hyerim. She felt a bit smug, possibly being the only one in their major who talked to Yoonwoo.

I hate salad, but I guess I’m going since Yoonwoo asked.

With that thought, Jieun headed to Hyerim’s after class.

“Thought you’d escape, but you came,” Hyerim greeted them. “Finally learning to like veggies, huh?”

“Ugh, no. Well, yeah, I guess.”

“Good. So you’ll always eat here, right? I’m buying salad for you too, so you have to come, okay?”

“Always? But we’re drinking on weekends, right?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Now I won’t worry so much about your health.”

The more Jieun watched Hyerim, the more she saw her kindness, though it was a bit overbearing. Hyerim’s affection was like a web, hard to escape once caught. But it came from a good place.

Still, it frustrated Jieun when she couldn’t drink away her sorrows because Hyerim intervened. How could she be angry when her friend only wanted to help?

“Yeah, it’s good you’re eating healthier,” Yoonwoo added.

Even the usually compliant Yoonwoo was pushing the veggie issue. Why were they so set on feeding her vegetables? It’s not like they’d make her taller.

Jieun gave in. “Yeah, I guess I like vegetables now.”

“Oh, by the way, I like tofu, but it’s pretty expensive. Is there room in the budget?” Yoonwoo asked Hyerim.

“It’s only expensive if you buy at the big grocery stores or convenience stores. Just walk a little further, and you can get it cheaper at the market.”

“Really? I thought the quality was worse and more expensive at traditional markets.”

“For some things, yeah. But the lady at the entrance sells cheap, firm tofu. It’s not even half the price you’d pay at the grocery store, and it’s firmer and tastes better. The only problem is they don’t sell it in small quantities, but since Jieun is eating with us, too, it should be fine.”

“You’re really good at budgeting,” Yoonwoo said. “Thanks for all this.”

Hyerim giggled. “Right? I’m quite thrifty.”

Are they a couple now or what?

Normally, Jieun would have laughed and chatted freely, but today she couldn’t. The easy conversation between Yoonwoo and Hyerim stabbed at her heart, intensifying feelings she’d tried to suppress.

For the first time, she felt an intense longing for something Hyerim had. Why Yoonwoo, of all people? Hyerim already received so much love, and now him, too.

Are Yoonwoo’s compliments to Hyerim just routine, or are they flirting? How can I ask if they’re in a relationship?

Troubled, Jieun blurted out, “Hey, Yoonwoo. What are you doing this Friday evening?”

“Huh? Tomorrow? I’ll be here, eating.”

“Why don’t we go for lamb skewers instead? You promised to help with History of Korean Economy and Classical Economics. I feel bad about it.”

“Don’t worry. You bought drinks and movie tickets last week. We’re even.”

“No, that doesn’t cover it.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Usually, for notes like yours—covering exams in those classes—people charge 30,000 to 50,000 won. Especially for classes with no textbooks and tricky note-taking. You’ve given me four weeks’ worth for two subjects, right?”

“Wow… They charge that much? Tough luck for introverts who hate class.”

Jieun nodded knowingly, though she was guessing the cost. Wouldn’t it be roughly that range? She’d thought up this note-monetizing idea after hearing from Hyerim about Yoonwoo’s personality challenges. She’d pondered how to persuade him, hoping for a chance, but hadn’t planned to blurt it out.

“Well, it’s not just about being introverted. Would you be okay taking notes from a junior without reciprocating? It’s an unpaid debt, right? So, let me treat you to lamb skewers so I don’t feel like I’m using you.”

Realizing he’d already repaid his debt with notes made Yoonwoo instantly relieved. He’d even given more than necessary. He understood the discomfort of owing a debt better than anyone.

“Okay, that sounds great,” Yoonwoo said, smiling slightly. “I’ve never had lamb skewers before.”

Jieun smiled. Her persuasion had worked perfectly. “Great. There’s a place on the top floor next to Anam Station. The skewers are really good. No gamey smell, and it’s quiet because not many students go there.”

“Okay. I finish class at 5 p.m. on Friday. What about you, Hyerim?”

“Huh? Oh yeah. Hyerim.”

Jieun had completely forgotten Hyerim was there too. Of course Yoonwoo would invite her since they’d planned to eat together. Jieun suddenly realized she’d gotten ahead of herself.

If I don’t suggest that Hyerim come, then wouldn’t that blatantly imply that I want to meet Yoonwoo alone? Right in front of Hyerim? I must be insane.

Don’t worry about me, you guys go together.”

“Huh? Why don’t you want to come?” Jieun asked.

“If I go, it complicates things, right? You always try to pay for me, especially when drinking. Save some money, Unni. You must have spent all your stock profits by now.”

Jieun usually disliked her habit of paying when drunk, but not this time.

“Okay, I’ll only drink a little with Yoonwoo.”

“Huh? Drink? Are we drinking?” Yoonwoo asked, confused.

“Where’s the fun in lamb skewers if you’re not drinking?”

“I guess they do taste better with some alcohol,” Hyerim said, smiling.

Jieun grinned at her. “Oh, you agree too?”

“Of course. Yoonwoo, you have to have a few drinks with lamb skewers. Got it?” Hyerim said.

“Got it,” Yoonwoo replied automatically, glancing between them.

“Of course, some people have it without alcohol, but they’d have compelling reasons—like having half a liver, a gastric bypass, or a missing kidney.”

They decided to meet Friday after Yoonwoo’s class. Jieun kept checking Hyerim’s expression but saw no anger or sadness. Maybe she trusted Jieun.

After all, two people drinking together was casual for college students, not necessarily special. This time, there was also an excuse: repaying the favor of class help.

I can’t fall for him.

But her intent wasn’t purely about repaying the notes, so she felt guilty.

Ah, screw it.

She decided not to think about it. It’s not like she planned to get Yoonwoo drunk and lure him to a motel, nor would he follow even if she did.

When in doubt, just drink and chat. Then, go home separately. And, if they happened to become a bit closer in the process, what would be wrong with that?

After all, having a drunken chat before going home was what she did best.

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