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Hansol stood facing the stone wall, her back to Noeul as she swiped at her eyes. A few steps behind her, Noeul remained frozen, a realization dawning on him. He’d never truly seen Hansol as a person before.
The thoughts raced through his mind: You’re fine because you’re pretty, right? Making friends is easy for you because you’re pretty. Losing a friend like me doesn’t bother you because you’re pretty. We don’t need deep conversations because you’re pretty. It doesn’t matter if I suddenly ignore you because you’re pretty. You don’t get hurt because you’re pretty.
But no one in the world was like that. When someone who used to be kind suddenly turns cold, it hurts. When you want to apologize but can’t, it eats you up inside. When a friend drifts away and there’s nothing you can do, it tears you apart.
Noeul, who’d get anxious at the slightest change in someone’s tone, had assumed Hansol would be unfazed by anything. He had thought that as long as she was pretty, everything would be okay for her, that only people like him got hurt. Maybe it was a kind of resentment. You’re pretty, so you should just be content with that. Why do you want everything? That’s not fair.
Shame washed over Noeul as he realized how petty he’d been. He had been so focused on his own pain that he hadn’t noticed he was driving a stake through Hansol’s heart.
This was undoubtedly his fault. He had to apologize, even if it meant getting hurt in the process. He couldn’t let that worry stop him from making things right.
Noeul awkwardly cleared his throat as he approached. Hansol, who had been sniffling, spun around. Noeul halted in his tracks.
Though Hansol seemed to have stopped crying, her eyes were red and swollen. Her lips quivered, threatening fresh tears at any moment. Noeul’s heart ached, though he couldn’t tell if it was from guilt or because she looked heartbreakingly cute. Maybe it was both.
Looking at Hansol’s face made Noeul want to laugh, but he held it in, knowing it wasn’t the time.
“I’m sorry…” Hansol whispered before bursting into tears again.
Noeul couldn’t believe that such a beautiful girl was crying because of him. Did he really have that kind of power?
Strangely, the idea of “ugly Noeul” making “pretty Hansol” cry didn’t bother him. In fact, he felt… happy. Glad, even. It felt as if the knot in his heart was melting away.
Noeul knew it was childish to feel proud at a moment like this, but even that realization couldn’t dampen his happiness.
Despite his conflicted feelings, Noeul still felt sorry for Hansol. Seeing such a pretty girl cry made him feel like he’d done something truly awful.
He approached her gently. “Hey, why are you apologizing? I’m the one who should be sorry…”
His words only made Hansol cry harder, a sound like “bweep” escaping her. Noeul had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.
Between sobs, Hansol managed to say, “I— that day… you only looked at Jiwoo… I know it’s normal, but… I got upset… Then I got mad because I felt less pretty than Jiwoo. It hurt my pride…”
Noeul was taken aback. Not as pretty as Jiwoo? He’d never thought that. Sure, he found Jiwoo more attractive, but that was because of her personality, not her looks. In terms of pure appearance, Hansol was easily Jiwoo’s equal.
It surprised him that someone as gorgeous as Hansol could have such insecurities. And the fact that she was upset because Noeul—and not some handsome guy like Joonki—had only looked at Jiwoo was both flattering and bewildering.
Geez, pretty girls are more self-conscious than I thought.
“What are you talking about?” Noeul said. “I’ve never thought Jiwoo was prettier than you. I—”
“Then why did you only look at her?” Hansol snapped. “It doesn’t make sense.”
Noeul fumbled for words, realizing Hansol’s pride had been more deeply wounded than he’d imagined. “Well… that’s because I’m interested in her…”
“If I were prettier than Jiwoo, you would’ve been interested in me from the start.”
Would I? Noeul wasn’t sure how to respond, wondering if Hansol might be right.
Suddenly, Hansol shook her head. “No. Sorry. I shouldn’t take this out on you. I wasn’t like this before. Why am I doing this now? I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I get it, really.”
Hansol continued, “That’s why I acted the way I did. I wanted to be mean… To say something hurtful… I wanted to hear that I was prettier than Jiwoo… But it felt too childish to admit it.”
“I do that too,” Noeul replied. “I never want to say things outright. I hope others will just notice. But I know that’s selfish. Still, I get upset when they don’t… Everyone feels that way sometimes.”
Hansol listened quietly before saying, “Even so, I shouldn’t have said those things. When you told me I was being cruel, I realized what I was doing. I felt awful.”
“It’s okay. It wasn’t even that harsh. I could’ve taken it as a joke, but I got too angry.”
Hansol shook her head vigorously. “No, I went too far. After you left, I kept thinking about what I’d said, how you reacted… how you must have felt. It made me so upset. I wondered why I acted like that. I wanted to chase after you and apologize right away.”
As she remembered that moment, Hansol looked on the verge of tears again.
Noeul felt his heart melting. It was like he’d never been hurt at all, as if his heart had been renewed.
He’d kept asking himself why he was hurt, why he had expectations and got disappointed. He thought it was pathetic that he couldn’t control his emotions. But hearing someone say it was natural to be hurt, and apologizing for it, made him want to cry, too.
He realized it wasn’t pathetic. He was hurt because it was something worth being hurt over. He felt sorry for himself for not acknowledging the pain and just scolding himself instead.
“I think I wanted you to feel as bad as I did,” Hansol admitted softly. “I’m sorry… for being so mean.”
Noeul appreciated her honesty. “I’m sorry too,” he said. “After I got mad, I got scared. It felt like my emotions were controlling me. I worried about what people would say, that they’d call me ugly and jealous. I didn’t want to be that person. So I decided to shut my feelings off, to hide them more. I think that’s why I acted that way toward you.”
Tears welled up in Hansol’s eyes as she listened. Her lips quivered into a pout.
“Hngh…”
“Hey, don’t cry,” Noeul said gently.
“Sorryyy,” Hansol whimpered, starting to cry again.
This time, Noeul couldn’t hold back his laughter. He wanted to comfort her, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He just waited until she finished crying.
When Hansol seemed calmer, Noeul spoke again. “I’m really sensitive. It’s kind of funny for someone with my looks, right? An unattractive person would never make it. So I tried to act cool to avoid getting hurt. But I didn’t think about how you might feel. I just assumed you wouldn’t get hurt because you’re pretty… I thought someone like me wouldn’t affect you.”
“How could you think that?” Hansol said, her voice full of emotion. “I was really hurt. I thought you were going to stop being friends with me because of what I said. I felt so sorry and miserable. I started crying just thinking about it.”
Noeul laughed softly. Hansol finally laughed, too.
“Sorry,” Noeul said. “I misunderstood.”
“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have said what I said…”
“It wasn’t that bad…”
“It was,” Hansol insisted. “If someone had said that to me, I would’ve started cussing them out right away.” Her blunt words showed she was genuinely okay now.
Noeul chuckled.
Suddenly, Hansol took a step closer and rested her forehead on his shoulder. Noeul’s eyes widened in surprise.
Leaning on his shoulder, Hansol said, “Let’s just be honest from now on. This has been really hard.”
“Okay,” Noeul agreed softly.
Hansol lifted her head. “Let’s go.”
“Okay.”
“Damn, this is so embarrassing. Why did I cry? It’s all your fault.” Hansol punched Noeul’s arm lightly.
Rubbing his arm, Noeul retorted, “You were just crying and apologizing a minute ago. Are you crazy or something?”
Hansol laughed and walked toward the bar. Noeul followed her inside.
***
Hansol waved at Noeul from a distance, and Noeul returned the gesture.
As Hansol approached, her smile grew. Her short hair bounced with each step, and her long legs and toned thighs looked great in shorts.
Seeing Hansol for the first time since their heart-to-heart made Noeul feel strange—awkward, a bit fluttery, and somehow happier than before.
Feeling shy, Noeul glanced at the grass and the sky as they walked toward the library.
“Hey, listen to this,” Hansol said, nudging Noeul’s arm with her elbow. “Number one… I’m the king of the world!”
Noeul stared at her, bewildered. “What are you doing?”
Hansol kept a straight face. “Number two… Luke, I am your father!”
“…”
“Number three… Heehee, Porori, hitting is bad… I’m Bonobono!”
“…”
“Number four… Hahaha! Aye-aye, Captain!”
“…”
“Which one’s the most accurate?”
“…”
“Hurry up. Which one is the best?”
“…Did you give up on the Angelmon impression?”
“I’m working on new ones.”
Why is she so serious?
After a moment, Noeul said, “Number three?”
“Okay.”
What does she mean, okay?
Noeul glanced at Hansol.
“Wow, it’s a shell!” Hansol yelled. “Porori, do you want to eat it?”
Startled, Noeul jolted. “Don’t just hit me with it. Give a guy a warning.”
Hansol laughed, hitting Noeul’s arm lightly. Noeul couldn’t help but laugh, too.
All of a sudden, Hansol grabbed his elbow. “Hey, let’s get some bubble tea before we hit the library.”
“Oh, sure.”
They walked to the café next to the library. Hansol’s thin fingers wrapped around his elbow gently, barely resting there.
Noeul’s mind raced. Is this normal for friends? It’s not like holding hands, so maybe it’s okay… But it’s not really necessary. I know where the café is. Maybe it’s just friendly? Girls link arms with each other all the time. Women are more touchy with their friends than guys. Is this something like that? It’s not a tight grip—more like a gentle touch. I shouldn’t read into it.
Or was he overthinking this? Did it mean Hansol liked him? No way.
But was she the type to give mixed signals? Maybe he was confused. In groups with lots of female friends, this could be normal. But how would he know? He didn’t have any close girl friends to ask. Who could he ask about this without getting teased for the rest of the semester?
While Noeul was lost in thought, their bubble tea arrived. A torrential rain started just as they stepped out.
Hansol groaned. “They said there’d be a shower, but this is ridiculous.”
She rummaged through her bag for an umbrella. Meanwhile, Noeul opened his.
“Wow, you’ve got one ready?” Hansol grinned. “Perfect, let’s share.”
Before Noeul could respond, Hansol stepped under his umbrella.
What… What is this?
“You have one,” Noeul pointed out weakly.
“It’s a hassle to open. Let’s go.”
Hansol looked up at him, her face close. She looked like a baby fennec fox.
Cute… Why is my heart kinda…?
Ah, screw it. I don’t know anymore.

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