Fugly Casanova

Bzzz.

[Are you at school?]

It was from Jiwoo. Noeul saw the notification and put his phone down.

Bzzz.

Ten minutes later, it vibrated again. Another message from Jiwoo.

[Did you know there’s a spin-off manga with that Conan villain as the main character?]

Of course I know.

Despite not receiving a reply to her first message, Jiwoo had sent another.

Right. People like her don’t worry about things like that.

Noeul never sent another message if there was no reply; he always fretted that the person might find him annoying or hadn’t responded because they didn’t want to talk to him. But Jiwoo never seemed to have those concerns. Who could ever find her annoying or not want to talk? She sent off messages without a second thought. It was that kind of nonchalance that made someone seem effortlessly cool. Noeul set his phone aside once more.

People like Jiwoo wouldn’t be upset if someone didn’t reply. They already had plenty of people to talk to. If anything, ignoring her messages might even reassure her that Noeul wasn’t desperate for her attention, making her feel more comfortable contacting him. But Noeul didn’t ignore her to make her feel comfortable. It was clear Jiwoo’s intentions in contacting him weren’t genuine.

She probably thought, ‘That poor guy from yesterday has probably never had someone like me message him before. It must be his dream to chat with someone like me.’ Or maybe she thought being friendly with him would help her get closer to Joonki. There could be other reasons, too. But it certainly wasn’t because she genuinely wanted to talk to Noeul.

It’s not that Noeul thought Jiwoo was particularly bad. People are just like that. But he had no intention of playing along and acting like a fool. He didn’t want her thinking, ‘How naive. He probably thinks I’m interested in him.’

He decided to reply in about an hour with a casual response. That way, he wouldn’t look like a desperate, love-struck fool.

“That concludes today’s lecture.”

Noeul packed up his laptop and bag and left the lecture hall.

“Noeul!”

Walking down the hallway, he heard someone call his name. He turned to see Jiwoo waving at him with a bright smile. He stared at her for about two seconds. It wasn’t just because of her beauty; something felt off. When he had seen her with Joonki last time, he couldn’t have imagined her greeting him so enthusiastically. She had smiled while talking to them, but it was the kind of smile pretty girls often give—a polite, “Here’s a smile for you” smile. But now, as she waved, she looked almost like a Pomeranian eagerly waiting for its owner.

Pomeranian…

The image of Jiwoo morphed into a Pomeranian in Noeul’s mind. For a moment, he thought it was cute. But soon, the image turned repulsive. There was only one reason why someone like Jiwoo would call out to Noeul in such a crowded place: to show off. ‘Look at me, I even know this unattractive guy. See? Aren’t I nice?’ That’s what she wanted to demonstrate to everyone around.

Noeul could predict the next three seconds. Jiwoo would come over and greet him loudly and casually, like guys do with each other, making sure everyone knew their interaction was strictly platonic. Of course, no one would think they were a couple, but girls like Jiwoo couldn’t bear even a remote chance of it being misinterpreted.

Jiwoo started to trot over to Noeul, and once again, he was reminded of a Pomeranian. He decided to beat her to the punch. With a straight face, he raised one hand and greeted her in a gruff voice.

“Hey— Oh.”

Jiwoo stopped right in front of Noeul, standing on her toes, and tilted her soft, pale face up at him.

“Why didn’t you reply?”

Noeul looked down at her, hand still raised.

This… this isn’t in my playbook.

“Huh? What…?”

“You were looking at your phone as you came out of the lecture hall. Why didn’t you reply to my message?”

He could feel the glances from people around them.

What a strange conversation.

Noeul started to think Jiwoo might be more malicious than he had thought. Her words seemed calculated, designed to make onlookers wonder, ‘Did that ugly guy really not reply to her? Is he playing hard to get or something?’

Some people relish the discomfort of others, and Jiwoo might be one of them.

With a look of complete innocence, she asked again, “So, where are you heading now?”

“I was going to get lunch.”

“Oh? Let’s go together.”

Noeul’s frustration grew. Jiwoo was almost certainly doing this on purpose. She knew exactly what people would think when they saw a pretty girl like her hanging with a guy like him. Maybe she was enjoying the attention, or maybe she felt charitable, thinking, ‘He looks like he’s going to eat alone. I’ll keep him company.’

And of course, she probably figured Noeul would end up paying, making it a free meal for her.

“Actually, I already agreed to get lunch with someone.”

“Really?”

Noeul almost laughed out loud at Jiwoo’s transparent reaction. It was clear she hadn’t even considered the possibility. Why would someone like her need to consider other people’s feelings or hide her thoughts?

Jiwoo tilted her head, puzzled. “But Joonki said you usually eat lunch alone on Mondays.”

“…”

What is this?

As Noeul tried to process this unexpected turn, someone tapped Jiwoo on the shoulder.

“What’s up, Jiwoo?”

It was a tall, good-looking guy. He gave Noeul a suspicious look, as if Noeul had been hitting on Jiwoo. Noeul’s mood soured even more.

“Oh, hey,” Jiwoo replied, her tone unexpectedly short.

“What are you doing?” the guy asked.

“Talking to a friend.”

“Really?”

The guy glanced at Noeul again, clearly questioning if they were actually friends. Noeul felt his anger rise.

Now that a hot guy was here, maybe Jiwoo would leave, and he wouldn’t be treated like a toy anymore.

The guy continued, “Have you had lunch?”

“Yeah.”

Huh?

“Already?”

“Yeah. I eat pretty fast.”

“I see. Let’s get lunch together next time.”

“Okay. Bye.”

What…?

Jiwoo turned back to Noeul.

Noeul asked, “Wait, didn’t you say you hadn’t eaten?”

“Hm…” Jiwoo rolled her eyes, thinking. “I didn’t say I hadn’t eaten. I just asked if we could go together.”

“So… you were planning to eat twice?”

“Yeah! Is that a problem?”

Noeul was starting to lose his gauge on what Jiwoo was really thinking.

She asked again. “So, who are you eating with? Can I join?”

“Of course not.”

Noeul’s frustration boiled over, and his response came out colder than he intended. He turned away.

Did she really expect to join? She must have known the answer.

Sure, she could come. Anyone would let someone as pretty as her join any meal, even if it was a formal family gathering. Had she ever been rejected before? Probably not. That carefree innocence was something only people like Jiwoo could possess. And that made Noeul snap.

“Why didn’t you reply?”

Jiwoo’s face, looking up at him like a Pomeranian, flashed through his mind.

This is why it wouldn’t work. The human brain is wired to hope. When people like Jiwoo show a bit of friendliness, you start to hope, even though there’s no reason to. Objectively, there’s nothing to expect, but when you’re in the moment, you twist logic and facts to give yourself a reason to start reaching. That’s why you can’t trust your own judgment in these situations. The only reliable fact is that nobody genuinely likes an unattractive person.

The scariest part is when that hope turns into real feelings. An ugly person’s love isn’t like the wistful crushes in romance novels. It’s more like relentless self-destruction. ‘I like this person, but they could never like someone like me.’

You know it’s true, but you still find yourself hoping. Is it right to hold onto such hope for every little thing? You eventually realize that, ah, of course… it wasn’t meant to be. You knew it all along.

‘I’m so pathetic. Did I really think they could like me? Me, of all people? Ridiculous.’

You end up trapped in a cycle of self-loathing. That’s what love is like for someone who’s ugly.

And if other people find out that an unattractive person likes someone attractive, it becomes even more unbearable. You’re seen as delusional, as someone who doesn’t know their place, who has the audacity to have high standards despite their looks. But if a beautiful person likes someone unattractive? They’re praised for valuing inner beauty, for being humble despite their good looks.

That’s why people like me shouldn’t hope or love.

***

“Joonki, are you in the English club too?”

“Yeah, I just started this semester.”

Jiwoo glanced at Noeul briefly. “Oh…”

Noeul mouthed, What?

Jiwoo lowered her eyes and shook her head slightly. Noeul had been part of the English club since he was a freshman. Then, one day, Jiwoo started attending the club meetings as well. Right after that, Noeul had messaged Joonki.

[Joonki ]

[?]

[You should join the English club.]

[That boring thing? Ugh.]

[Jiwoo is joining this semester.]

[Dude.]

[What now?]

[Tell me what you want to eat. Right now.]

[LOL]

[You amazing, thoughtful bastard. LOL.]

And that’s how the three of them ended up sitting at the same table.

“Jiwoo, are you good at English?” Joonki asked.

“I’m pretty decent. I studied abroad when I was younger.”

“Really? When?”

“Until I was in elementary school.”

“Wow… wait, so you don’t really need to be here then, right?”

“Well, I was pretty young back then, so I’ve forgotten a lot. I joined to brush up on my skills.”

“Oh, I see. You’re pretty onto it.”

Noeul watched the two of them, feeling an unexpected sense of calm. It felt like witnessing a perfectly aligned event. Like seeing a flawless checkered pattern or a world without contradictions.

This is how it should be. Jiwoo talking with someone like Joonki felt right. They looked good together. This was the picture that made sense.

Joonki turned to Noeul. “I think I’ll head to a café after to work on some assignments.”

Though he was speaking to Noeul, Noeul knew it was meant for Jiwoo to hear. Of course, he wasn’t about to reply, “I’ll join you.” Noeul wasn’t that clueless.

Instead he said, “Sure. I’ll probably head to the net café.”

Jiwoo’s eyes lit up, and she said, “Oh? Me too.”

Joonki smiled brightly. “Should we go to that new café near the back gate?”

Noeul began packing his bag, preparing to leave. Internet cafés were nice. No one even glanced at the person next to them.

What game should I play? Rank matches? Nah, too much effort. Maybe that farming game I got on Steam. Single player…

Suddenly, Jiwoo’s voice broke through his thoughts.

“Huh? No, I meant I’m going to the net café too.”

Noeul turned to Jiwoo, confused. What did she just say?

“Oh… I see. I thought…”

Joonki smiled awkwardly, clearly taken aback. Noeul noticed the slight twitch at the corner of his mouth.