Fugly Casanova

Joonki walked into the room just as the sun was dipping below the horizon. “What, it’s over already?” he asked.

Noeul dropped his bag on the desk. “Yeah, they let us out early. Not enough time to start anything new.”

“Lucky you.”

“Right?” Noeul agreed, letting out a weary sigh as he flopped onto the sofa.

Joonki glanced up from his phone. “Easy there. You’re kicking up dust everywhere.”

“Oh… sorry,” Noeul murmured, caught off guard by the comment. He studied Joonki’s face, but his friend’s expression remained neutral, eyes fixed on his phone screen. It was unusual for Joonki to nitpick like that.

Shrugging it off, Noeul leaned back and pulled out his own phone, thumbs swiping across the screen.

The room fell into an uneasy silence until Joonki spoke up again. “Been up to much lately?”

“Not really,” Noeul replied, still scrolling. “Same old, same old.”

“Feels like I haven’t seen you around much,” Joonki pressed.

Noeul raised an eyebrow. “Where? The internet cafe?”

“Yeah… And you used to always be down to hang when the guys asked.”

“I still join in most of the time,” Noeul countered.

“Do you?”

Noeul just nodded, reaching for his laptop. He had some time before his next class—might as well get a head start on that group project research.

Joonki cleared his throat. “Jiwoo’s been saying you don’t hang out with her anymore.”

Noeul’s fingers paused over the keyboard. “Jiwoo? She said that?” He kept his tone casual, but his attention was now fully on Joonki. The pieces were starting to fall into place. He reminded himself that he didn’t need to feel guilty or worry about Joonki’s feelings.

“She mentioned you don’t sit with her in class,” Joonki continued, “and you always turn her down when she asks you to eat. Says it’s starting to hurt her feelings.”

Noeul let out a dry chuckle. “Feeling hurt? She should’ve asked you instead.”

“I do eat with her. A lot,” Joonki shot back, his words clipped.

Noeul shifted uncomfortably. This whole conversation felt like treading on eggshells. “Look, as far as I remember, Jiwoo asked me to eat with her once? But I had plans, so I couldn’t make it. Next time, let’s all eat together.”

“Plans?” Joonki’s eyes narrowed. “With Hansol?”

“Yeah…”

“Wow, someone’s popular these days.”

The sarcasm in Joonki’s voice was impossible to miss. Noeul decided to play it cool, subtly reminding his friend that he wasn’t calling the shots.

“Right?” Noeul said, feigning excitement. “It’s crazy, isn’t it? Even I got a little thrill out of it. The two prettiest girls in school asked me to eat… It’s exciting just thinking about it. Probably the first and last time it’ll ever happen in my life.”

Joonki chuckled. “How’d you get close with Hansol anyway? I haven’t even had the chance to talk to her.”

As the question hung in the air, Noeul caught the unspoken sentiment behind it: How did someone like you manage to have a meal with her when even I haven’t had the chance?

Noeul knew better than to call out such unconscious thoughts. Doing so would only make him look paranoid, and Joonki could easily brush it off as a simple slip of the tongue. But Noeul didn’t buy into the concept of verbal slips. In his experience, people don’t accidentally say things they’ve never considered before. Think about it—have you ever suddenly blurted out “I love Trump” if you hadn’t thought about it before? When something slips out, it’s because it’s been simmering in the subconscious, waiting for the right moment to bubble up to the surface.

Joonki had always, perhaps unknowingly, operated under the assumption that he should be the one getting close to attractive girls, while Noeul should maintain a respectful distance. Now that this unspoken rule had been challenged, Joonki was bound to feel unsettled.

Recognizing the delicate situation, Noeul’s mind raced to find a way to ease Joonki’s discomfort.

“Oh, that night at Chung Jeok? We chatted a bit when we were both pretty drunk. Hansol didn’t seem to care much about anything then.”

“I see…” Joonki nodded slowly. “And you guys drank together yesterday too, right?”

Noeul felt a pang of guilt, though he wasn’t sure why. “Yeah,” he replied, keeping his voice neutral.

How did Joonki know? Maybe Hyunsoo mentioned it.

“How’d that happen?” Joonki pressed.

It seemed natural for Joonki to drink with Hansol, but when Noeul did it, it felt like he had to explain.

But what could he say? That Hansol had asked him to hang out instead of going to a gathering? That she wanted to get closer because she didn’t have many friends? Even Noeul thought that sounded like a lie. If he said that, Joonki would probably just nod, holding back a laugh.

Noeul shrugged, aiming for nonchalance. “We ended up sitting together in marketing class. She mentioned wanting a drink, so I jumped at the chance. Even offered to pay.”

“Oh.” Joonki’s expression was unreadable.

Feeling increasingly cornered, Noeul started packing up his laptop. But Joonki wasn’t finished.

“Actually, Jiwoo saw you two yesterday. Said you looked like best friends.”

Noeul forced a laugh. “Really? Hansol can hold her liquor. But best friends? If Jiwoo saw us, she should’ve joined in.”

“She said there wasn’t room for her to squeeze in.”

“Oh, really?”

Noeul chuckled, but he felt increasingly suffocated, like he was being interrogated. He stood, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

Joonki added, “Jiwoo seemed kind of jealous.”

“Jealous?” Noeul scoffed, his patience wearing thin. “What are you talking about? What’s wrong with Jiwoo? Or you, for that matter?”

“If you keep turning her down but hang out with another girl, it might hurt her feelings. Don’t you think?”

At this point, Noeul was starting to get irritated.

So what was Joonki trying to say? What exactly did he expect Noeul to do? Was he supposed to cuddle and entertain Jiwoo as if she were a kid? If he liked her, why didn’t he just hang out with her himself? And why was he so focused on Jiwoo’s feelings for Noeul?

Noeul bit back a sharp retort. “I get it. But it just happened that way. I’ll clear things up over a meal later.”

“So you weren’t avoiding her on purpose?”

Forcing a laugh, Noeul asked, “What have you been hearing? Why would I avoid Jiwoo intentionally?”

“Guys do all sorts of things to get girls’ attention. I do it too.”

“Come on,” Noeul said, his frustration mounting. “Hansol and Jiwoo are different. Jiwoo’s the girl you like. What do you take me for?”

“Are you avoiding Jiwoo because you think I like her? And you don’t want to get in the way because you think she likes you?”

Noeul laughed as if it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. “Man, you’re out of your mind. I’m not living in some fantasy world. You’ve got some wild thoughts. Do you like Jiwoo that much?”

“What are you talking about?” Joonki said, laughing.

The tension seemed to ease a bit.

Eager to end this pointless back-and-forth, Noeul set his bag back down. “Fine. I’ll text Jiwoo about dinner tonight. We’ll clear up any misunderstandings, and I’ll call you to join us. Then I’ll make my exit. Sound good?”

“That’s not what I was asking for.”

“Yeah, right. You’re a bit too obvious, bro.”

Noeul sighed inwardly, wishing his friends would just get together already. Being caught in their bizarre love triangle was exhausting. Was this somehow more exciting for them? Because for Noeul, stuck in the middle, it was anything but.

He pulled out his phone, tapping out a message to Jiwoo while Joonki watched.

[Wanna grab a drink tonight?]

He hoped for a delay, just to show that Jiwoo wasn’t interested in him. But her reply came instantly, and Noeul caught the subtle tightening of Joonki’s expression. Noeul pretended not to notice as he checked her message.

[Noeul, what’s up? I’m totally down!]

A dancing duck emoji followed. Noeul typed back, keeping his face neutral.

[How about 7 at Jangdokdae?]

[Awesome! Anyone else coming?]

[We’ll see how it goes and maybe invite others later.]

[Okay!]

Noeul glanced at Joonki, his look saying, “Satisfied now?”

***

Noeul sat alone at the table, his mood sour. “Excuse me, one draft beer, please,” he called to a passing server.

He took a large gulp of the beer when it arrived, brooding over the situation. Why had he agreed to this? He felt used, a pawn in Joonki and Jiwoo’s little game. The whole thing seemed childish now, and he was irritated at himself for not being more assertive.

If it had been Noeul, he would have been fine with someone helping him in his love life. But Joonki and Jiwoo didn’t seem to mind using someone else’s time for their romance. Did they think that people who weren’t as good-looking didn’t value their time as much?

The more he thought about it, the more annoyed he became.

This is the last time, he promised himself. Next time, they can sort out their own love lives.

“Noeul!”

He looked up to see Jiwoo at the door, her smile radiant. Had she always been this beautiful? Maybe it was just the warm lighting, but even the sound of his name on her lips seemed different—like a sunset painting the sky.

As Jiwoo sat down, still smiling, Noeul found himself struggling against his usual instinct not to smile back. He’d always believed his smile made him look worse, a painful thought that had trained him to keep a straight face even in happy moments.

But Jiwoo’s optimism was infectious. Her joy seemed to spill over, touching everyone around her. For a moment, Noeul felt a warmth he hadn’t experienced in a long time, a hint of happiness that he didn’t immediately want to suppress.

Noeul found himself caught off guard by the sudden shift in his mood. The irritation from earlier melted away as he sat across from Jiwoo, her enthusiasm for the seafood pancake infectious.

“Then go ahead and order,” he said, sliding the menu toward her. As Jiwoo studied it intently, Noeul reminded himself to maintain some distance. Joonki would be arriving soon, after all.

“I want honey makgeolli,” Jiwoo declared.

“Again?”

“And the seafood pancake… Do you think we can finish two dishes?”

Noeul nodded.

“You pick one,” Jiwoo said.

“Just order whatever you want.”

She handed the menu back to him. “No, you pick.”

Noeul thought about what she’d like, something that would go well with seafood pancakes. “Want to order the spicy whelk noodles?”

“Huh! Exactly what I was thinking,” Jiwoo exclaimed, her eyes lighting up.

“Then you should’ve just ordered it.”

“No, you had to have a say, too. But see, we were on the same page.”

Without a word, Noeul pressed the call button for the server. After placing the order, a brief silence fell between them. Jiwoo stared intently at Noeul’s face while he sipped his water and fidgeted with his spoon.

“You know, I thought you disliked me,” Jiwoo said suddenly.

Noeul almost choked on his water. “Yeah, that’s what I heard from Joonki. What kind of… ridiculous idea is that?”

“Why is it ridiculous?”

Because how could an unattractive person like me dislike someone as pretty as you? he almost said, but he held back, not wanting to seem like he was fishing for sympathy.

“You haven’t given me any reason to dislike you.”

“Hmm… True. But I can be a bit oblivious, and sometimes I do things that annoy people without realizing it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I overheard people talking about me in high school. Some of my classmates mentioned it too.”

Jiwoo’s casual tone about something so potentially hurtful caught Noeul off guard. A pang of guilt hit him as he realized how his actions might have worried her.

“…I don’t dislike you,” he said softly.

“Really?” Jiwoo’s eyes sparkled as she laughed.

Noeul felt a physical pain in his chest.

He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep pushing Jiwoo away like a robot, pretending he felt nothing. Joonki couldn’t come soon enough.