Hexed Intention

There was no one else in the west stairway. Noon sunlight streamed in through a nearby window, where Yoonmin stood in front of Haein. Yoonmin was a few centimeters taller than Haein, putting his eye level just above hers. Haein couldn’t bring herself to lift her gaze to meet his eyes. Instead, she dropped her head just enough to stare at his chest.

How long had it been since they faced each other like this? At first, she would avoid Yoonmin whenever he tried to approach her. Then, in more recent days, Yoonmin had become the one to flee whenever she approached. Had Haein really not seen Yoonmin up close in two years?

He’d changed since the last time. Her eyes lingered on his Adam’s apple, then swept across his visibly firm chest. He used to be so skinny…

“Haein.”

There was no trace of hatred or anger in Yoonmin’s voice, lighting a tiny flame of hope within her. Maybe one day, Yoonmin would say her name with warmth or affection, the way he had before.

Yoonmin’s left hand reached up, dragging his fingers through his hair. He always did that when he was feeling awkward. Haein’s heart was thrumming now. It felt harder to pull air into her lungs. She placed a hand on her chest to try and steady herself.

Yes, Yoonmin was always like this. He would say things like, “The world is trash, and so are people,” and claim there was nothing of value in the world. But Haein knew better than anyone that, despite his words, Yoonmin had a kind soul and a warm, fragile heart. In fact, she might have been the only one who knew.

Haein’s gaze drifted to Yoonmin’s lips. Until a moment ago, she had been trapped in despair, lost in a world that seemed utterly worthless. Meaningless conversations, pointless pleasantries, holding back what she wanted to say, and saying things she didn’t want to…

But now, Yoonmin was going to save her, just as he did before. Yoonmin was going to say, “I’ll give you one more chance.” And Haein would swear to never abandon him like she had so foolishly done two years back. Then, starting tomorrow, would she be able to eat lunch with him again? Would she be able to walk home with him? Would they laugh secretly together at their own lame jokes, like before?

If that happened, Haein would not squander her second shot with Yoonmin. She’d give him all the birthday presents she’d missed, buy him delicious snacks every day, and invite him over for dinner like she used to.

In the brief moment before Yoonmin opened his mouth, Haein had already planned out a million ways to repent for her sins. But the words that came from Yoonmin’s lips were not what Haein had imagined.

“Uh… um… Don’t worry too much about what Jiyoo said yesterday,” he mumbled.

Haein blinked at him. “What?”

“You seem a bit down today,” he said, shifting from foot to foot. “So I thought maybe it was because of those messages she sent you. Jiyoo can be kind of harsh, but she’s not as bad as she seems. She’s a good person underneath. Anyway, don’t take it to heart.”

Haein was unable to speak for a moment, then managed to say, “…Oh…”

She stared blankly at Yoonmin’s face, waiting for him to say more. When Yoonmin finally spoke again, he said awkwardly, “Was that it? If not, then… whatever.”

Yoonmin scratched the back of his head again, not meeting her gaze. Haein felt like she’d been struck by a hammer. Every letter of the phrase, “Jiyoo can be kind of harsh, but she’s not as bad as she seems. She’s a good person underneath,” was a needle to her heart. From Yoonmin’s perspective, the world was trash, and people were trash, but Jiyoo was a “good person.” So what was she to Yoonmin? At the very least, not a “good person.”

Was that all he had to say? Not to take Jiyoo’s words to heart? For Haein, Jiyoo’s words themselves weren’t all that shocking. She knew she deserved each and every one of them. What shocked her was how close Jiyoo seemed to be to Yoonmin. Haein was not prepared to learn that she had been replaced.

“Anyway, you’ve finally made the friends you wanted, so don’t shut down like this,” Yoonmin said. “You’ll end up alone if you give everyone the cold shoulder.”

Haein was speechless.

“You’ve worked so hard to build these relationships, so take care of them,” he went on. “Even the best friends can only handle so much mistreatment.”

With that, Yoonmin started to turn away. Haein realized that this was all Yoonmin had to say. Her stomach churned and her head began to spin. She thought she might throw up. Really? That’s seriously it? Haein reached out and snagged Yoonmin’s sleeve.

“W—wait.”

He paused and looked back at her, quirking an eyebrow.

“Um…”

Haein couldn’t seem to get the words out. She knew what she wanted to say, but the idea of speaking them out loud made her face burn with shame. She was far more pathetic than Jiyoo claimed.

But she had to say it. She couldn’t go on like this. She felt like she was suffocating. At some point, the classroom had begun to feel like an aquarium. The water was rising, but there was nowhere to escape.

“You know…”

In truth, she wanted to look pitiful. She wanted to silently say to Yoonmin, “Look, I’m so hurt,” “I’m so sad,” “I’m in so much pain,” by sitting there without talking to her friends, without taking out her books during class, and just staring at the ground. She thought that if she did, kind-hearted and soft Yoonmin might give in and talk to her.

Haein felt nauseous at her own cowardice. But now, there seemed to be no other choice. With her face contorted and tears welling up, she gripped Yoonmin’s arm tighter and spoke.

“You really can’t forgive me?”

Yoonmin froze. He fully turned around and looked at Haein’s face.

Please… Don’t I look pitiful now?

Yoonmin watched her silently. To Haein, it was an eternity. She felt like a criminal awaiting the judge’s verdict.

“Do you really need my forgiveness? After all this time?” he said at last.

Haein chewed her lip before responding, “I do.”

More than anything in the world…

“Alright… If that’s the case… let’s just say all is forgiven.”

Haein’s jaw dropped. “Really?”

For a moment, she nearly shouted in triumph. Forgiven? Really? After I made your life hell for two years, you can forgive me just like that? Thank you, Yoonmin, thank you so much. I’ll never betray you again, no matter what.

“Yeah. I won’t hate you or curse you anymore. I was getting sick of it anyway. Let’s just move on with our lives and not think about it anymore.”

…Wait a minute.

“What do you mean, ‘not think about it anymore?’ ”

“Exactly what it sounds like,” he said with a shrug. “You live your life, and I’ll live mine. Let’s stop making things so uncomfortable. Just forget about what Jiyoo said to you.”

No, that’s not what I want.

“No, that’s not it, Yoonmin,” she protested. “Can’t we… go back to how we used to be? Be friends again…”

“Go back? Why?”

Yoonmin wasn’t being sarcastic. He looked genuinely puzzled.

“Why? Because…”

“You said you were having way more fun hanging out with your other friends, right? It sure looked like you were to me.”

“No. When I was with you…”

“After two years, you’ve changed your mind? Why, all of a sudden?” His voice grew suspicious.

“That’s…”

“You know what, it’s fine. Don’t bother. It wouldn’t change much anyway.”

Yoonmin took a deep breath and continued. “I’m sorry, Haein. Even if I forgive you, I don’t want to be your friend again.”

***

They had just started high school, newly minted 10th graders. One morning, the students had to take a random survey. Maybe it was a directive from the Ministry of Education or something. No one seemed to know, but the survey had a lot of questions, and it took way longer than anyone thought to fill it out.

The teacher had something urgent to attend to, so as he rushed out of the classroom, he said, “Haein, could you collect the survey sheets for me? Put them on my desk by lunchtime.”

But that day was a disaster. Maybe it was because there were a lot of classes to move between, maybe it was because someone was late handing in their survey, or maybe it was because there was a pop quiz. Whatever the reason, Haein ended up losing the surveys. She had no idea where she dropped them. The teacher was furious.

“What are you going to do about it? The Ministry of Education sent those in a package, and we can’t reprint them! How could you lose them? They need to be sent back today! Haein Ju, you have been unbelievably careless. Find them by the end of the day, or you will not like what happens next.”

Haein returned to the classroom in tears and told her classmates what she had done. Their first reaction was:

“Wait, does that mean we have to do that stupid survey again?”

Haein told them no, but that she had to find them by the end of the day. The kids said it was unfortunate, and that was that. Maybe if Jian had been there, she would have helped, but Jian was absent from school due to a competition for some kickboxing or Muay Thai thing.

Her second closest friend, Soyul, just said, “People lose things sometimes. Why’s the teacher being so harsh? Screw it. Just let the school fix it.”

Not a single person helped Haein. Soyul probably genuinely believed it wasn’t a big deal. The other kids might have thought so, too. But the teacher had made it very clear that it was going to become a big deal if she didn’t fix her mistake. In the end, Haein had to search the classroom and hallways alone.

Haein didn’t eat lunch and her friends ate without her. She wandered around, on the verge of tears, during break time. Her friends laughed, talking about the latest viral YouTube memes. Occasionally, they’d say things like, “Hey, Haein, what are you doing? You’re still looking for those surveys?”

Of course, no one was obligated to help her. It was Haein’s mistake, her responsibility. Everyone had their own issues to worry about. It was natural, but…

As she rummaged through the dusty space behind the lockers, Haein could no longer ignore a certain truth; she had placed too much faith in her friendships. Real friendships weren’t like the ones in cartoons or dramas, where people relied on each other and overcame obstacles together.

Friendships were fleeting, especially in middle and high school, where group dynamics were essential. Most friendships were built on messy, trivial feelings. The desire not to be isolated in the classroom, the fear of being at the bottom of the social hierarchy, or the need to reaffirm one’s status within the group—those were the reasons kids became friends.

Teens spent all their time clustered together, chatting and making each other laugh. That was the core of friendship. Were the other kids’ relationships different? At least for Haein, hers were always superficial. She wasn’t fun, nor was she someone her friends could rely on.

The reason Haein’s classmates had approached her to begin with was because she was pretty. She was a kind of trophy. Being close to Haein made them feel higher up in the classroom’s pecking order. No one knew what kind of person Haein truly was, and no one cared to find out. It didn’t matter.

All this time, Haein had been deceiving herself, telling herself that she had cool friends and that they shared a wonderful bond. She couldn’t bear the truth. If those friendships were nothing special, then it meant she had betrayed Yoonmin for something insignificant.

But now… she had no choice but to admit it.

After the break following sixth period, Haein returned to the classroom without having found the surveys. That’s when the girl sitting in front of her turned to face her.

“Haein, be careful. Yoonmin Seo was snooping around your desk earlier. He might have done something weird.”

Weird…?

Haein craned her neck to check inside her desk drawer.

There it was. The envelope containing the surveys.

There was a smudge of dirt on the paper. The sight made Haein realize what had happened.

I must have dropped it out the window while changing during gym class.

Haein turned to look at Yoonmin.

He was gazing out the window, pretending not to notice her eyes on him.

There was mud on Yoonmin’s elbow.

***

Class ended. Yoonmin’s mind was a cacophony of thoughts. He looked out the window, but Jiyoo hadn’t arrived at the school gate yet. He checked his phone and saw a message saying the end-of-day announcements might run late.

Should I go get some corndogs with Jiyoo?

That’s when it happened.

“Haein, how are you feeling?” Jian’s voice carried easily across the classroom. “We’re going to karaoke before studying, wanna come?”

“No,” Haein declined.

It shouldn’t matter to Yoonmin why Haein was refusing Jian’s invitation. He packed his backpack and stood up. Just as he was about to leave the classroom, though, he stopped at Haein’s next words.

“I’m not hanging out with you guys anymore.”