Hexed Intention

“So, Yumi said, ‘You can’t until you graduate high school!’ What am I supposed to do?”

Minsu said as he opened his lunchbox. Yoonmin hadn’t said anything, but when lunchtime came, Minsu had hauled his desk right over to Yoonmin’s. Yoonmin was not bold enough to say, “What are you doing? I want to eat alone.” Even though he had his moments, Minsu was still a behemoth, fully capable of kicking Yoonmin’s ass.

“What do you mean, what are you supposed to do? Just wait until you graduate high school.”

“Three years? I’m not allowed to touch her for three years? Damn, I’m going to go crazy!”

“If that’s what she wants, then there’s nothing you can do…” Yoonmin replied, biting the corner off his sandwich. Internally, he thought, Can’t he just handle this himself? I’ve never even been in a relationship!

If he said that out loud, Minsu would probably hit him.

“But that’s the confusing part…” Minsu mumbled through a mouthful of food. “Sometimes she links her arm through mine, hugs me, or even kisses me on the cheek… But if I make a move first, she says no.”

“Right.”

“What should I do?”

For a moment, the urge to shout, “Just handle it yourself, you prick!” nearly overcame his sense of self-preservation. What was he supposed to do in this situation?

She wants to make the first move. If not, she’s just having fun with you ‘cause you’re cute. Or if that’s not the case, she doesn’t want you to cross lines… Whatever, just deal with it yourself!

“How about not touching at all for once?” Yoonmin finally said. He knew there was no getting out of this without dispensing some kind of advice.

“Huh?”

“Don’t even let her hold your hand. If she gets too close, just say, ‘You said we can’t until I graduate high school.’ ”

“Whoa…” Minsu paused for a moment, and Yoonmin watched the gears in his head turn.

“That’s brilliant…” Minsu muttered. “You really are a dating master. Such a subtle strategy.”

“Sure, whatever. Now let’s eat.”

Being called a dating master even though he had never been in a proper relationship made his face heat up.

“Okay, but Yoonmin, is that really enough food? You only have one sandwich. Here, take this.”

Minsu grabbed a meatball from his lunchbox and shoved it at Yoonmin. He moved like he was going to stuff it right into Yoonmin’s mouth, so Yoonmin reluctantly accepted it. The juices burst across his tongue and mixed with the sweet sauce. It was delicious.

“Tasty, right?” Minsu grinned. “Yumi made it.”

That triggered Minsu to start raving about Yumi, bragging that she was the best at this, and could do that… Yoonmin let the words pass right through his ears, and thought about black magic instead. Was there a spell to make him shut up? Was there a hex that made your bowels contract if you bragged too much?

Through his spacing out, he overheard, “Feed me, Haein. Ahhhhh…”

“Uh… What?”

Someone laughed. “Look at Haein being shy.”

In the middle of the classroom, the six popular girls were stirring up noise. It seemed like they were inventing a new game.

Don’t pay attention, don’t pay attention, Yoonmin chanted to himself, but between blocking out Minsu and the sheer volume of the game, he couldn’t help but listen.

Glancing at the girls, it seemed Haein had brought something for them again. In the middle of the desks was a large, sealed container. Inside were something similar to dumplings, about the size of cherry tomatoes.

What were those things called… Ravioli? Haein had always been good at making those tricky kinds of food.

“Ahhhhh…”

Soyul had her mouth wide open, like a baby bird. Haein, holding a ravioli with her chopsticks, looked around nervously, saying, “Ugh… Why are you doing this to me?”

Haein’s flustered expression was cute, so Ahyoon followed Soyul’s lead and opened her mouth. Then Yeeun, and then Jinsol. It really did look like a bird nest.

“Mom! I’m hungry, peep peep!”

Soyul even flapped her elbows. The whole scene was so adorable that the girls drew a lot of attention from their classmates. Haein’s face turned even redder, her chopsticks hovering. Looking very uncertain, Haein finally stuffed the ravioli into Soyul’s mouth.

“Yummy!”

“Mom, me too, me too.”

“Ugh…”

Yoonmin regretted turning to look. It would have been much better to just silently listen to Minsu’s bragging.

He remembered two years ago when they had made dumplings together at Haein’s house.

“Why do we have to make them from scratch? The frozen dumplings at the stores are so good.”

“Stop dumpling around and help me!”

“Tell me the truth, Haein, are you actually an old man? How do you come up with all these dad jokes?”

But time doesn’t come back, and feelings don’t return… If he had forgiven and made up with Haein, was there any way he could get that time back? Just thinking about it made him feel pathetic. Yoonmin knew his father was still seeing his mistress. His mother pretended not to know. Yes, time and feelings don’t return. Were there ever times when they did?

A second ravioli went into Ahyoon’s mouth, then Jinsol’s mouth, then Yeeun’s mouth. Now, there were no more baby birds. But there was still one person left who hadn’t eaten the ravioli…

“Mama Haein! Jian hasn’t eaten yet,” Soyul said. Haein’s face had faded to a light pink, seemingly less embarrassed now. She offered a ravioli to Jian.

Unlike the others, Jian did not open her mouth.

“Jian?”

“I’m fine.”

Her vibe had been off for days. Even from a distance, Jian’s expression didn’t look happy.

“Why aren’t you trying one? They’re delicious.”

“Yeah, really, if you don’t have one, you’re missing out on half of life.”

But Jian kept her mouth shut. The girls seemed to realize something wasn’t right.

“Jian, are you on a diet again? You seriously don’t need to.”

“Ugh… I should go on a diet too. Ravioli… All carbs.”

“If it tastes good, the calories don’t count!”

The inane comments kept flowing, words spoken to try and smooth over the atmosphere. But a strange tension continued to linger in the air, despite their efforts.

“Yumi’s homemade meatballs taste so much better than anything Haein Ju makes, but they’ll never know that,” Minsu grumbled.

“…Uh-huh.”

***

The pounding of her heart against her ribs was so loud, she was sure everyone could hear it. Haein put her hand on her chest and exhaled slowly. Still, the anxiety didn’t go away.

For some reason, Jian’s attitude had been weird lately. She spoke less than usual and her expression seemed darker. Haein initially thought she might be overthinking, but it became clear she wasn’t after what happened during lunch. Something was definitely wrong with Jian.

The Jian she knew wouldn’t have reacted like that earlier. Jian always expressed her affection for Haein for the world to hear.

“To hell with diets,” she would have typically declared. “If Haein made it, it is my duty to eat it!”

The old Jian would have opened her mouth right after Soyul, eager to be a part of the silly game. She probably would have eaten all the remaining ravioli, too.

Haein couldn’t remember how she got through her classes. She kept glancing at Jian’s stony face. But Jian didn’t even acknowledge Haein. She seemed to be lost in her own thoughts the entire day. Haein kept debating whether to say something to Jian or not.

Three agonizing hours later, the bell rang, signaling the end of class. There were about 10 minutes left until the end-of-the-day meeting, and a significant number of their classmates got up to go to the bathroom. When the room had mostly emptied, Haein finally mustered the courage to speak.

“Um… Jian?”

Jian didn’t answer. She didn’t even turn her head towards Haein. Haein felt all the blood leave her face, setting her vision spinning. She had felt like this before, when Yoonmin finally gave up on trying to mend their friendship, and turned his back on her. She felt it when he stopped looking back no matter how much Haein cried and begged.

“Jian, did… something happen?”

Again, Jian did not reply.

Haein took Jian’s hand. Her skin was cool and soft.

“Jian, are you… mad at me?”

“Let go.”

Jian’s voice was cold and as sharp as a razor blade. Haein felt like someone had put a knife to her throat.

This can’t be happening…

What could she have done wrong? Thinking about it now, Haein realized there were more than a few things. Not long ago, Haein thought she needed to distance herself from Jian in order to attract Yoonmin’s attention, because she was Haein’s closest friend. For Haein, Jian symbolized the prize she’d won after abandoning Yoonmin.

She wanted Yoonmin to sympathize with her. At the same time, she also thought that, to get close to him again, she had to give up what she gained by betraying him.

As she spiraled along that line of thinking, Haein didn’t consider Jian’s feelings. Or rather, she thought that Jian would always support her no matter the situation. Haein admitted it. As Yoonmin said, she really was a piece of shit.

“Haein, you’re really funny. Can I join you for lunch?”

Jian had approached Haein right as she had entered the 9th grade and became her friend. The proactive, righteous, and affectionate Jian had helped Haein whenever she was in trouble. Even when Haein made mistakes as a result of her clumsiness or social ineptitude, Jian unconditionally defended her.

But… Now that same Jian wasn’t even looking at her.

At the time, she had accepted Haein’s tearful apology, but had she really forgiven Haein for what she had said? If she hadn’t, well, Haein couldn’t fault her. If human relationships were that easy to restore, Haein wouldn’t be in her current situation with Yoonmin now.

Or maybe, was it possible she had done something wrong recently? Could Jian’s feelings have been hurt by something else she’d overlooked?

“Jian, you know… I’m sorry. Um… Would you talk with me later?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Jian said indifferently. “So… just drop it.”

Haein tightened her grip on Jian’s hand. She didn’t want to be trapped in the same cycle again. Hurting someone because of her self-centeredness, and only bothering to beg for forgiveness after they walked away. Then despairing when it became apparent that her efforts were pointless, and she was left alone. She couldn’t go through that again.

“Please, Jian. Just… for a moment…”

“I said, let go!” Jian shouted, shaking off Haein’s arm. All eyes in the classroom turned to Haein and Jian.

“Jian?”

Haein couldn’t catch Jian’s hand again. Jian jammed her belongings into her backpack, looking straight ahead, expressionless.

“Why…?” Haein said in a small voice. Jian remained silent.

Moments later, the teacher came in. The end-of-the-day meeting was filled with meaningless words and trivial announcements. As soon as it was over, Jian picked up her bag and stood up from her seat.

“Jian… Wait a second!” Haein yelled after her, but Jian walked toward the back of the classroom without so much as a flicker of recognition that her best friend was calling her.

Then she stopped in front of Yoonmin and said, “Let’s go, Yoonmin.”

“Uh… Um…” Yoonmin stammered. His eyes darted back and forth between Haein and Jian, looking both uncomfortable and bewildered. Haein felt as if Medusa herself had met her gaze. Her whole body was stiff, disregarding her frantic commands to move.

She knew that Jian and Yoonmin had grown quite close. But… she never expected it to be like this.

What was going through Jian’s mind? Was she planning to abandon Haein and only hang out with Yoonmin from now on? Had Haein become worthless to Jian? Had Haein done something so grievous that her friendship no longer held any value to Jian? Was this… what Yoonmin felt when Haein had turned her back on him?

No, not quite. He must have felt more wronged than this. Because, unlike Haein, Yoonmin hadn’t done anything wrong.

“Okay, let’s go,” Yoonmin finally agreed with a nod. Together, he and Jian disappeared into the hallway.

Even after they left, Haein stood there for a long time, staring blankly at the spot where they had been.