Hexed Intention

“Marriage?” Soyul laughed. “What? Marriage? Did you just say marriage?”

Soyul couldn’t seem to stop herself. With her small stature, neatly cut bob hair, and youthful face, her laughter looked so innocent.

“Yeah,” Minsu retorted with a note of defiance. “Got a problem with me saying I want to marry Yumi?”

“Problem? No problem. How could I have a problem with something that hilarious?” Soyul was practically cackling now. “Minsu, you’re a lot more naive than you look.”

Minsu furrowed his brow. Yoonmin had once again found himself having lunch with Soyul, Jian, and Minsu. Yesterday, Soyul didn’t eat the spring rolls Haein prepared for her. Instead, she came to Yoonmin’s table to eat. Today was the same.

“Um… Soyul, are you not eating with us again today?”

The voice wasn’t Haein’s. It was Jinsol’s. Haein was just sitting in the background, hanging her head without saying a word. Her face was pale and her blue lips were trembling.

“Yeah, this side is more fun. Want to join us, Jinsol?”

“No…”

Today, the table where Haein sat was quiet. Even from a distance, anyone could tell the atmosphere was awkward. But Soyul didn’t seem to even notice. She came right over to Yoonmin’s table and began playfully teasing Minsu.

“You know what? There’s not a single high school boy who talks about marriage when they’re dating.”

“I’m—”

“What? Are you going to say you’re different from other guys?” Soyul snickered.

Minsu looked like he’d been hit right where it hurt. He glared at Soyul indignantly.

How can such a small girl tease such a beefy boy without any fear?

“I’m different,” Minsu protested. “I’m seriously—”

“Minsu, do you even know what marriage is?” Soyul demanded, a smile still curling her lips. “You don’t think marriage is just walking down an aisle in a wedding dress, do you?”

“Of course not!”

“Then what do you think marriage is?”

“Marriage is about taking responsibility for each other. Trusting each other, confiding in each other—”

Soyul cut him off. “No, it’s not.”

“What do you mean it’s not?” Minsu fumed. “Soyul Lee, you’re the same age as us, what makes you think you know more than we do?”

Soyul responded in a slow, mocking voice. “Marriage is submitting a marriage registration to the administrative office to form a legal marital relationship. Trust, responsibility, feelings—those aren’t essential elements of marriage.”

“How are they not essential elements?” Minsu snapped.

“Marriage is when casual love turns into a legally binding relationship. Marriage is just a contract. If you attach too much meaning to it, Yumi will think you’re ridiculous. She’ll think, ‘Wow, is my boyfriend that much of a child?’ ”

“Uh… Really?” Minsu’s rage simmered down to worry. “Would Yumi really think that?”

From what Yoonmin had observed about his muscular classmate, contrary to his appearance, Minsu was very impressionable. He listens to others’ words closely, taking them to heart a little too often. Those guys who said they lost in a 5-to-1 fight against Minsu… They were real idiots. They should’ve sat him down and persuaded him with words instead of physically fighting. Then they might have won.

Yoonmin sat quietly, listening to the conversation between Minsu and Soyul.

“Jian, what do you think?”

“Um…”

Jian, like Yoonmin, wasn’t saying much. She had a gloomy expression that seemed permanently attached to her face these days.

“Well… I also think marriage is something you do with your heart…”

“Right? See, Soyul? I told you you’re the weird one.”

“Really?” Soyul said incredulously. “You think so too, Jian? I didn’t expect that from you. Love changes, you know? Almost without exception.”

How did she end up with such a twisted view of the world? Yoonmin wondered. But if he had to choose, Yoonmin agreed with Soyul more. Was there even such thing as eternal love? Yoonmin hadn’t lived long enough to definitively say there wasn’t. But from what he had experienced, in most cases, love did change.

His father’s love towards his mother, Haein’s friendship with Yoonmin, Yoonmin, Jian, and Soyul’s feelings towards Haein…

There might be unchanging hearts in the world. But you shouldn’t base your life on the idea that people’s feelings would stay stagnant.

Isn’t that right, Haein? If your heart changed and you left someone. Shouldn’t you have considered the possibility that someone else’s might change and they would leave you? Did you honestly never think about that? Is that why you have that look on your face now? Did you think Jian and Soyul would stay with you forever?

Yoonmin’s mind was a turbulent stream of thoughts. Why isn’t there a single thing in this world that just makes sense? Haein Ju, you bitch, I don’t want to see your face anymore. Live or die as you please. Everything is your fault anyway. How nice would it be if he could talk like that?

But Soyul leaving Haein wasn’t really Haein’s fault. It was just Soyul’s fickle whims. “This side is more fun?” Did Soyul know how much those words would hurt Haein when she said them? Haein always feared that her friends might lose interest in her. That’s why she always tried to think of those stupid jokes.

If Yoonmin had pushed Jian to reconcile with Haein, would this still have happened? No, he shouldn’t dwell on the what-ifs. What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to help? Was Jian the type of person who would bury the hatchet just because Yoonmin told her to?

“Yoonmin, what do you think?” Minsu asked. “Do you think people’s hearts always change?”

“Well…” Yoonmin hesitated.

The lunch break ended before he had to think of an answer.

After school, Soyul strolled over to Yoonmin’s desk again.

“Where are you going after this?” Soyul asked.

“To a friend’s house,” Yoonmin answered.

“Jian and Minsu too?”

“Minsu is going to see his girlfriend… Jian is coming with me.”

“Hmm… Is that so? Then let’s walk part of the way together. There’s a place that sells crepes nearby.”

Yoonmin frowned. He couldn’t help it. Just moments ago, Jinsol and Ahyoon had asked Soyul, “Are you not coming with us again today?”

Soyul had replied, “Yeah, I’ll go home on my own today. See you at the academy later tonight.” Once again, only Haein seemed left out, since it appeared she didn’t attend that academy.

“I don’t eat crepes,” Yoonmin said.

“Really? I guess you’ll just have to watch us eat,” Soyul said, linking arms with Jian.

***

Haein feigned illness. Like a hermit crab hiding in its shell, she hid under her blanket, coughing.

“Oh my, our precious daughter is sick, what should we do?” Her mother and father came into the room to fuss over her. Guilt pricked her heart.

She was scared to go to school. Following Jian, Soyul had also left Haein’s side. Of course, Soyul hadn’t directly said she found it difficult to associate with Haein like Jian had. But yesterday and the day before, Soyul hadn’t even made eye contact with Haein.

She dreaded lunchtime. When lunchtime came, the sound of Soyul chatting with Minsu would echo through the classroom. They seemed like they were having fun and Haein couldn’t help but think, Soyul seems happier than when she was spending time with me.

She also thought, Maybe Soyul never liked me in the first place. Unlike Jian, Soyul never explicitly expressed attachment. She was just a thrill-seeker, looking for anyone and anything that could amuse her. In 9th grade, when Haein started hanging out with Jian, Soyul approached them. She said they looked like fun and asked to join them.

But now, when Jian left Haein, Soyul followed. Maybe from the beginning, Soyul only liked Jian. Yes, that was more likely, because Soyul was always on the lookout for entertainment, and Haein wasn’t a particularly fun person.

But how could this happen? Just a few days ago, she had held Haein in her arms while she cried. Soyul even said she’d help her reconcile with Yoonmin.

Haein buried her face in her pillow and recalled the events of the past few days. She remembered the conversation Soyul had with Minsu yesterday. Maybe it was true that there were no unchanging hearts. Haein herself changed her mind several times, too. There was no one to blame but her own heart.

Yoonmin, Jian, Soyul… Would those three get along in the long run? If so, how was Haein supposed to react to seeing them together? People who once stuck to Haein’s side and then left… People who were disappointed in Haein…

When she really thought about it, Haein recognized she was a shallow person. She had nothing to offer others. Yoonmin was kind, Jian was righteous, and Soyul was bright. They were people who could satisfy others. But Haein was neither kind, nor righteous, nor bright.

To ask her friends who left, disappointed in Haein, to come back, she would need to argue that there was some benefit in doing so. But what benefit was there? Yoonmin cared about her, Jian protected her no matter what, and she had fun chatting with Soyul. What did Haein offer in return?

Perhaps she brought food to school because she understood she couldn’t provide anything else. It was the least she could’ve done.

Ahyoon, Yeeun, and Jinsol: three of the girls who remained by Haein’s side. Yet she feared she couldn’t count on them forever. None of them had seemed particularly pleased with her yesterday. Come to think of it, Soyul was the center of their group. Soyul always threw out interesting topics, and that’s how conversations began. But without Soyul, it was quiet and awkward.

Ahyoon, Yeeun, and Jinsol were friends she met in high school. The three of them weren’t actually that close to Haein. What were they thinking now? Were they biding their time to cross over with Jian and Soyul? Maybe today, while Haein was absent, they would be having lunch with Jian, Soyul, and Yoonmin. Were they having more fun than they were with Haein yesterday?

Sunlight streamed through the window. At this time, her friends would be in class. Soon it would be lunchtime. If what Haein imagined happened then…

Then… What would happen when she went to school tomorrow? Wouldn’t it be extremely awkward? Would her friends start hoping Haein would be absent because they could have more fun when she wasn’t there?

Haein drew the curtains and pulled the blanket over herself again. She wished it was always night, so everyone would be lying in bed and she didn’t have to wonder what they were doing. If everyone was alone anyway, then there was no need to feel lonely when you were by yourself.

Haein lay in bed all day, letting these thoughts circle through her brain like vultures.

The next day came. Usually, imagination and reality are different, but unfortunately, Haein’s fears had become reality. She deliberately arrived at school just in time, only to find Ahyoon, Yeeun, and Jinsol chatting with Soyul and Jian. They looked happy. But when they noticed Haein come in, Jian separated from the rest of the group.

The remaining four, including Soyul, approached Haein and asked, “Are you okay now? Did you get enough rest?”

Even though they said all the right things, Haein knew they must be thinking differently.

It’s much more fun chatting with Soyul and Jian, but we have to pretend to care about you. It’s so annoying. Surely they were thinking that.

Haein said, “I think I’ll have to eat lunch by myself today.”

The girls asked her why, sounding genuinely disappointed.

“I caught a cold and don’t have much of an appetite.”

Not bothering to wait for a response, Haein lay her head on her desk. She sat there listening to the kids’ chatter.

“Isn’t Haein acting a bit strange lately? I heard Haein did something wrong to Jian, did she do something to Soyul too? I thought Haein was a nice girl, but maybe she’s not. By the way, is it true that Jian likes Yoonmin?”

Haein felt like there was no strength in her entire body. Her head found her desk once again during each break. She sat in the same, pathetic position during lunch, too. Despite what she’d told her friends, she wasn’t sick at all, she was starving.

She heard the voices of Yeeun, Ahyoon, and Jinsol. As Haein had predicted, they were having a conversation with Soyul and Jian. She also heard Yoonmin’s voice.

“Why are you doing this at my desk? Go to your own seats.”

For a moment, Haein thought maybe that was him telling her friends to look after her, but she quickly discarded that thought. Yoonmin wouldn’t do that. Not anymore.

She could hear her heartbeat. She remembered being bullied before transferring to a new school. Back then, she always kept her head glued to the desk, just like she was doing today. Maybe she was destined to exist like this from the beginning. Allowing her thoughts to drag her into an abyss of self-pity, Haein lay there and waited for lunch to end.

***

In the empty girls’ bathroom, Jian said, “Soyul. Aren’t you going a bit overboard?”

“With what?”

“Why are you bullying Haein? I’m uncomfortable with Haein, but… you’re not. Not really, right?”

“Well…”

Soyul smiled faintly. Jian was puzzled; why on earth was she smiling?

“Isn’t this… a bit… much?” Jian insisted. “How is Haein going to cope?”

Soyul simply replied, “Then why don’t you go be friends with Haein yourself?”