Runner-up's Revenge

“Hana Baek, cover up. It’s cold.”

She didn’t answer.

Dowon was cleaning Hana’s room again as she lay flat and unmoving.

Hana, who had caused a scene at the convenience store and café yesterday, was now quiet, as if someone had just switched her off. Even after Dowon covered her with a blanket against the chill of the AC, she simply shifted her gaze to him without saying a word.

“Tell me if you’re cold.”

Hana, who had been listening silently, closed her eyes. Dowon wasn’t expecting a response or action. He just looked down at Hana’s long eyelashes and pale face. Every time he did, he couldn’t help but think of yesterday.

What did Dahye and Yoonah think of Hana?

Anyone would have thought she was mentally ill.

Dowon had been hit by a woman driven mad by paranoia in front of customers, but not just any customers, two of his former classmates.

Yoonah, who once had a crush on him, but whom he had rejected with harsh words he couldn’t even remember, and Dahye, who had treated him well despite the fact that he was always busy ignoring or mocking her whenever their eyes met. He thought it was quite an impressive lineup. Why hadn’t he committed suicide earlier? Dowon wanted to apologize with his death right now out of shame.

No… This whole thing might have been the apology.

Come to think of it, there might be no need to apologize anymore, Dahye and Yoonah might already feel relieved, because they saw Dowon, who used to brag about his good grades, now working part-time at a convenience store and struggling with a mentally ill person like Hana.

It was even more pathetic that he’d gone looking for someone in a similar situation, searching for someone to tell him everything was okay, rather than just falling into ruin alone. He let Dahye see that weakness and could only imagine how thrilled she must be.

“Dowon Lee , this position you’re in is really fitting. A perfect match.” That’s what she must have thought.

She had openly scoffed when Hana accused Yoonah of being with him, asking why Yoonah would even like someone like Dowon.

Even though he was busy restraining Hana, he had heard the business card exchange and the following conversation. Yoonah, who had a stable job, was beautiful and fit, and was, of course, dating a handsome and famous producer. He thought they were perfect for each other, despite the shame burning in the background at how he’d treated Yoonah.

“Ouch!”

Along with Dahye’s voice echoing vividly in his head, he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his foot.

“Hana, I told you you’d get hurt if you left things here,” he grumbled, knowing she wouldn’t hear. On the floor was Hana’s earring. It wasn’t just the earring; it was all sorts of odds and ends on the floor, but the sparkling object caught his eye in particular.

Relationships, romantic or otherwise, were nothing more than accessories. Naturally, one would want the prettiest, most desirable pieces they could wear. There was no need to bother with accessories that didn’t suit them or fell far below their standards. An unattractive or inexpensive accessory was simply cumbersome and irritating.

So Dowon was wearing the accessory that suited him. Because Dowon was also just a mentally ill person who wasn’t capable of anything other than tapping away at a calculator in the corner of a room.

It was very natural, but why was it so embarrassing? Why did he want to die?

“Things like this should be taken care of…”

Even though he knew it wasn’t really Hana’s fault, Dowon kept grousing. His foot was now bleeding; he must have stepped on the earring post. Dowon looked at Hana’s back as she lay turned away.

The fact that he was with Hana sometimes felt insanely embarrassing. Sometimes it seemed like Hana’s existence reminded him of his status even more than his lost reputation.

“Dowon…” he heard Hana say.

No, that’s not true.

Dowon definitely liked Hana. He had even asked her out. Hana was a good person; she didn’t try to arbitrarily judge Dowon’s situation or try to give him some kind of score based on his accomplishments. She was the only person who saw Dowon for who he truly was.

Instead, Hana was an accessory which was too good for him. Yes, Dowon would be unfit for Hana, because at least Hana wouldn’t be ashamed of being with him.

Dowon Lee, you crazy bastard… Why are you still alive?

He was beyond irritated at himself for blaming his inadequacies on others, even at this point in his life. He was humiliated. He wished he’d stepped on a mousetrap instead of an earring. He felt like he needed to be in more pain to come to his senses.

“Dowon…” Hana’s voice sounded again. It was probably the weakest trap in the world.

“Yeah?”

Ignoring his bloody foot, he turned his gaze to Hana. Cloudy eyes peeked through long lashes.

“What is it, what’s wrong?”

Even when Dowon asked, Hana didn’t answer. She just looked up at him. So, Dowon said something that felt right to say.

“Hana, I’m sorry.”

Hana’s brow crinkled slightly, as if to ask what he meant. He had never felt this desperate, even when he ruined his college life, when a drunk customer grabbed his collar, or when Dahye came to visit. Dowon felt as if he had pushed himself into an irreversible abyss.

“…Why?” Hana asked in a very weak voice, like she’d simply taken advantage of a strong exhale. Dowon looked down at his fingers, where they were twined with Hana’s.

“It’s nothing.”

I hate myself. Dowon held back the urge to bite his tongue and quietly straightened Hana’s blanket.

***

“I’d like to pay.”

A familiar hand pushed two familiar citron teas onto the countertop. Dowon slowly raised his head.

“Hi,” Dahye said.

She scanned Dowon’s face, handing him one of the citron teas.

“Yeah, hi,” he muttered.

“That woman from before. Hana?”

There would be no conversation without bringing this up, would there? Dowon bit the inside of his cheek, focusing on the spot between Dahye’s brows. He didn’t have the courage to meet her eyes.

How excited must she be? She probably couldn’t even sleep. Dahye probably spent all night choosing the most hurtful words to thrust at Dowon over that incident. He just wanted to avoid talking about Hana.

If Dahye found out he’d met Hana in a psychiatric hospital and was now wasting time with her in a cramped room, she’d use it to cut him down mercilessly. It would be enough fodder to last a year.

With not much time left before he could quit, having given Dahye such juicy intel, Dowon literally just wanted to die.

“It is Hana, right?”

“…Yeah.”

What is she going to ask? Where do you meet such mentally ill people? Is there a dating app just for the mentally ill? Are you both unemployed? Don’t tell me you’re going to get married and spread your inferior genes?

Dowon felt like Dahye was living inside him. Sometimes, the words he came up with were even sharper and more cutting than what Dahye would actually say.

“What’s the relationship between you two?”

What kind of relationship should he say it was?

Should he say they were unemployed comrades who met at a mental hospital, bonding over the shared understanding of a life gone wrong? That, whenever he saw amazing elites like Dahye, he wanted to die instantly, yet when he looked at Hana, he got the cheap consolation that he wasn’t the only one? That, whenever she tore him down, he went to Hana’s house and escaped reality by inhaling the scent of trash?

If he said any of that, how happy would Dahye be?

“Are you getting married?”

Was she really about to tell him not to spread his genes, or something equally insulting? Yet, Dahye’s voice sounded strangely subdued.

“Have you been together for a long time? You two look good together.”

There was no way she actually came away from that incident thinking they were a cute couple. But Dahye seemed sincere. He had been certain she wouldn’t leave this interesting topic alone, like a dog with a bone. But suddenly, Dahye was acting stiff and awkward, like a classmate asking how he’d been after a long long time.

“Marriage is all about money, Dowon. How do you plan to save up for wedding expenses with a part-time job?”

“Ah, well. Marriage is—.”

“You’re not hoping for, like, a small wedding or something, are you? You know a small wedding isn’t just a scaled-down version of a regular one, right? Or are you thinking of skipping the ceremony altogether?”

Just when he thought she was tearing him down as usual, her gaze remained fixed on the lid of the citron tea. The words she uttered were still sharp, but strangely, they didn’t hit home. Dowon felt like Dahye was speaking to an audience, not him.

“If you do get married, please send me an invitation. You helped motivate me to achieve greater things. I should give you a nice wedding gift.”

Is she just going to leave it at that? Dowon was dumbfounded for a while, watching Dahye turn to leave.

Dahye exited quickly, leaving behind one citron tea, without even waiting for Dowon’s answer. She didn’t seem to enjoy mocking him as much as usual, nor did she laugh loudly. Dahye actually seemed somewhat listless.

“What on earth is she plotting, that crazy—”

Dowon didn’t know whether he should feel relieved or anxious.

He thought she was going to take over his plastic chair completely until the end of his shift, filling it with mockery and still leaving dissatisfied. He thought Dahye would have been waiting to pounce on him today. He thought it would be the day his shame would finally drive him to the noose.

However, Dahye’s departure today was shockingly anticlimactic. It felt like she hadn’t found the answer to a question she desperately wanted to know. That couldn’t be. Dowon now knew her far too well to believe that was the case, leaving him scrambling to figure out her intentions.

“Is she coming back again? Did she just step out for a moment?” he mumbled to himself.

But Dahye didn’t come back to the convenience store that day.

***

Dahye was lying in an empty room. Her studio apartment was clean. Excessively clean. There were only a few necessary pieces of white furniture, with not a single decorative object to demonstrate her tastes.

There weren’t even family photos or pictures taken with friends. Dahye threw a white pillow at the empty wall. The pillow slid down to the floor without making a sound.

“Yoonah, Jisoo, Hyunji…”

Dahye scrolled through her contacts again and again. There were plenty of people saved there, but no one she could vent her feelings to. In fact, there wasn’t even anyone she could ask out for a coffee and a chat.

She’d never thought she needed a person like that in her life. Even if she had one, she would just use them as a tool to irritate Dowon. The reason she was so angry now was because Dowon still had something that Dahye couldn’t have.

Someone to rely on. Someone to go to for comfort when things were tough. She didn’t want to have it. But why did Dowon always have one good thing? And why did it always feel like it was being taken away from her? She couldn’t understand.

“This is annoying…”

Dahye lay quietly on the bed and recalled Dowon’s face. She also recalled Hana, the person he had to watch his back. When Dahye tore down and mocked Dowon every day, did Dowon rely on Hana to get by? Maybe that’s why he quickly adapted to severe mistreatment and worked without a single complaint.

“Why on earth?”

Dahye spent time every day working to cut Dowon down to the level he deserved, but he probably just turned off like a switch, and went to Hana for comfort and recovery, like going to and from work. Just thinking about it made Dahye’s blood boil. It was unfair.

“What on earth is so good about Dowon Lee…”

Dahye buried her face in the last remaining pillow. Today, more than ever, the house felt empty. The clean, white furniture felt like a cage.

She felt terrible.