Fugly Casanova

“Oh! You two are always so early,” Jiwoo said, noticing Noeul and Hansol in the empty classroom.

“Yeah, I prefer just chilling in here,” Hansol replied.

Jiwoo took the seat in front of them. “I get it. There’s never enough time to grab coffee, and the library’s a hassle for such a short break. Mind if I join your early bird club?”

“Sure,” Hansol said.

As Noeul and Hansol dug through their bags, Jiwoo swung her feet, studying them. “So… what were you guys talking about? I could hear you laughing from the hallway.”

Hansol looked at Noeul. “Oh… What were we talking about again?”

“I don’t remember,” Noeul said. “Must not have been important.”

“Yeah, probably not,” Hansol agreed.

Jiwoo’s eyes darted between them. “Come on, spill! It sounded fun.”

“If we remember, we’ll let you know,” Hansol said.

An awkward silence fell as they busied themselves with their laptops and materials.

Noeul pointed at something on his screen. “Did you do this?” he asked Hansol.

Hansol’s eyes widened. “Crap, I completely forgot. Why didn’t you remind me?”

“Don’t blame me for your forgetfulness,” Noeul chuckled, earning a light punch on the arm.

Jiwoo watched their easy banter, a strange unease settling in her stomach. Pushing the feeling aside, she forced a smile. She tended to act even more cheerfully whenever she was upset.

“What is it? What didn’t you do?”

“Oh, the Crisis Management assignment due after class,” Hansol explained. “Which Noeul conveniently forgot to mention until now.”

“Really? Noeul, that’s mean,” Jiwoo said. “You should’ve given her a heads up!”

“See?” Hansol said, glaring at Noeul.

Noeul looked at the two in disbelief. “Blame yourself for your own stupidity.”

As Hansol playfully hit Noeul again, Jiwoo felt herself relax a little. The odd tension from earlier began to fade, even if she couldn’t quite shake the feeling that she was missing something.

She enjoyed hanging out with Noeul and Hansol. There was something about them—a hint of mystery, a touch of worldliness—that drew her in. Compared to her other classmates, they seemed to have experienced more. Sometimes, she caught herself envying that depth.

Not that Jiwoo’s life was dull. She knew she came across as bubbly and carefree, and for the most part, that was true. Her path had been smooth, free of major bumps or detours. But lately, she’d found herself wishing for… something. A dash of complexity, maybe. A secret or two of her own.

Was that why she gravitated toward Noeul and Hansol? Admiration? A desire to soak up some of their essence?

Her mind drifted to their last night out together. For once, a social gathering hadn’t felt like an obligation. Time had flown, laughter had flowed, and Jiwoo had felt truly present. She’d left craving more of those moments.

But when Jiwoo suggested lunch in their group chat, only Joonki responded. Noeul and Hansol either didn’t reply or answered much later.

So here she was, seizing the moment.

“Any plans for tonight?” she asked.

“Why?” Hansol said.

“I was thinking Seokdo’s? Cold soup, some soju… or we could go somewhere else if you prefer.”

Hansol hesitated, her eyes flickering toward Noeul. Something unspoken passed between them. It was a brief moment, but it seemed to happen in slow motion to Jiwoo.

“I can’t tonight,” Hansol said finally. “It’s my workout day.”

“Oh, really? You work out a lot, huh? I was wondering how you stay so slim.” Jiwoo turned to Noeul. “What about you?”

“I got some assignments I can’t put off,” he replied.

“Right, of course…” Jiwoo said. “I should probably follow your example. I’m always putting stuff off for a night out.”

“Why don’t you ask Joonki?” Noeul suggested.

“Yeah… I’ll ask him later.”

Joonki? Well it’s better than being alone, I guess. Jiwoo resigned herself to spending time with whoever was available.

Same old routine, she thought.

***

As they made their way to Seokdo bar, Joonki glanced at the group. “Hey, has anyone heard from Noeul? Should I give him a call?”

Jiwoo shook her head. “He’s probably knee-deep in assignments right now.”

“You sure? Did you check with him?”

“Yeah, I asked during the intro class earlier. He mentioned having some urgent work to finish…”

Joonki suddenly pointed down the street. “Oh, wait. Isn’t that Noeul over there?”

Jiwoo followed his gaze. Sure enough, Noeul and Hansol were walking toward the market. She blinked, watching their retreating figures.

“Sorry, what were you saying about Noeul’s urgent… whatever?” Joonki asked.

“Never mind. I must’ve misunderstood,” Jiwoo mumbled.

“Ah, okay. Those two seem pretty chummy these days, huh?”

Jiwoo remained silent.

Byung-jun chimed in with a grin. “Hey, you don’t think they’re dating, do you? Why else would they be heading all the way over there when there’s plenty of bars right here?”

“Maybe it’s some hidden gem of a restaurant,” Hyunsoo suggested.

“Right, a magical place that only serves couples,” Byung-jun quipped.

“Of course. They’re keeping this culinary paradise all to themselves.”

“Meeting in secret, sharing a meal, then going their separate ways…”

“Makes more sense than them dating, I suppose.”

Hyunsoo and Byung-jun burst into laughter.

Joonki chuckled along, then caught sight of Jiwoo’s expression. “Hey, you never know with guys and girls.”

“No, I’m pretty sure I know exactly what’s going on between them,” Jiwoo said flatly.

The others laughed it off with playful jabs, but Jiwoo couldn’t bring herself to join in. She found herself questioning why she’d agreed to drinks in the first place. The night was shaping up to be a tedious waste of time.

Is this really what passes for entertainment with them? she wondered, glancing toward the alley where Noeul and Hansol had vanished. Their earlier exchange of looks flashed through her mind.

‘Should we include Jiwoo?’ ‘Nah, let’s keep it just us.’ Is that what those glances meant?

Why hadn’t they included her? They’d had a great time at the movies last weekend, and Jiwoo couldn’t think of anything she’d done wrong since then. Did they just want some time alone? But why? Were they actually dating? If so, why not just say it instead of lying? Was there something Jiwoo wasn’t supposed to know?

Questions swirled in her mind, but she realized she wouldn’t find answers just by speculating.

I could just ask.

Wondering why she was making such a big deal of it, Jiwoo pulled out her phone and sent Noeul a message:

[Hey, you two drinking without us? Spotted you and Hansol heading to the market. Busted.]

***

An hour later, Jiwoo’s phone buzzed with Noeul’s reply:

[Hey, I’m really sorry. We wanted to hang out with you, but if you came, others might’ve wanted to join too. So we decided to just have a quiet drink, just the two of us this time. I feel terrible for lying. Hansol’s sorry too. We both are.]

Jiwoo stared at the message, letting it sink in.

So that’s what happened.

It made sense, in a way. If someone had asked Jiwoo about her plans tonight, she would’ve mentioned drinking with Noeul and Hansol, and suddenly everyone would want to tag along. It had happened before—gatherings snowballing because Jiwoo was involved.

She could understand why they hadn’t just said, “Don’t come, we want to keep it small.” Lying probably seemed easier. Jiwoo got it, logically.

She reread the message, focusing on one line: We wanted to hang out with you…

Did they, though?

Relief washed over her that they didn’t dislike her. But a nagging thought remained—why couldn’t they have included her in their secret meetup?

Did they see her as a blabbermouth? Someone who couldn’t keep things under wraps?

It felt like there were two circles: one including all three of them, and another with just Noeul and Hansol, Jiwoo on the outside looking in.

It still stings.

Jiwoo sent back a rabbit emoji turning its head sharply.

“What’re you up to?” Joonki asked, peering over.

Jiwoo set her phone down. “Just checking in with Noeul.”

Joonki’s expression tightened slightly. “Aren’t he and Hansol hanging out?”

“Yeah, they are.”

“Any idea why they’re meeting up separately?”

“They said they had something to discuss, just the two of them.”

“Interesting. Do guys and girls usually have private chats like that?”

“Sometimes, I guess.”

“But not usually, right? I can’t think of anything I’d need to talk about alone with Hansol.”

“I guess Noeul can.”

“He does seem pretty popular with the ladies.”

“Mmm.”

“What, is he some kind of therapist or something?”

“Who knows?”

Jiwoo found herself growing irritated. Why was Joonki so fixated on Noeul when he wasn’t even here? Didn’t he have anything else to talk about? She’d known tonight might be dull, but this was mind-numbing. Being alone was starting to sound appealing.

What are Noeul and Hansol up to, anyway?

They were probably having a great time, drinking and chatting quietly. Cracking jokes, having deep talks, laughing together. They must get along so well, perfectly in sync. I should be there too, Jiwoo thought. Why am I stuck here instead?

Jiwoo was lost in thought when a sudden movement caught her eye. Byung-jun was snapping his fingers in front of her face. “Hey, Jiwoo, you’re not nodding off on us, are you?”

“No, I’m wide awake,” she replied, straightening up from her slouched position.

“Want to get some fresh air?” Byung-jun asked.

“I’m fine, thanks.”

“I’m heading to the convenience store for smokes. Come along if you need to wake up a bit.”

“I told you, I’m not tired.”

“If you come, I’ll treat you to some ice cream.”

“I already said I’m not tired,” Jiwoo repeated, her irritation growing.

“Oh… alright then. Just thought you looked drowsy.” Byung-jun scratched his head awkwardly before heading out.

Jiwoo sighed inwardly. How dense could he be? She’d told him three times she wasn’t tired. She understood why Byung-jun was acting that way, but shouldn’t he have gotten the message after she’d insisted?

Glancing around, Jiwoo caught a male student at a nearby table quickly averting his gaze. She recognized him—he’d confessed to her last semester, out of the blue. They’d barely spoken before that, making his confession quite a shock. Since then, he’d show up at her drinking gatherings but hardly say a word, just stealing glances and looking away when caught.

At the far end of the bar, two female students were chatting and laughing. Jiwoo had noticed lately that at these parties, the girls always seemed to cluster far from her, leaving her surrounded by guys. She wanted to befriend them but rarely got the chance. It wasn’t that they were unfriendly—they’d greet her warmly at school, make small talk. But that was it. No heart-to-hearts, no one-on-one drinks.

A wave of exhaustion washed over Jiwoo.

How was it possible to attend so many nights out and still not have any close friends at school? Jiwoo couldn’t shake the feeling that she was doing something wrong.

What was the issue? Was she saying the wrong things? Did she come across badly? Too playful? Too intense? Did she have some fundamental personality flaw? …Or was she just plain boring?

Lost in thought, Jiwoo tilted her head, her expression serious.