Fugly Casanova

In the past, whenever someone of the opposite sex showed interest in Noeul, he would rationalize it and find himself getting closer, bit by bit. It’s just a café. Friends do that all the time, he’d think.

I don’t see her as more than a friend.

Girls don’t like ugly guys; I know that.

I don’t feel a thing.

Each time, he’d savor the fleeting sweetness, like tasting a drop of nectar. But the aftermath was always brutal. Before he knew it, he would develop feelings, and the outcome was all too predictable.

Noeul had learned to resist those tempting morsels. The pain from chasing them was always far greater than any momentary joy. So, he decided it was best to nip this in the bud. He didn’t need to dislike Jiwoo or resent her. He just had to act like she didn’t exist, erasing her from his heart.

As he sat alone during the lecture, Noeul already felt a sense of peace. He could concentrate fully on the class, free from emotional distractions. This was his usual self. This was how it should be.

“We’ll stop here for today,” announced the professor.

Noeul packed his bag. Would Jiwoo seek him out? Would she suggest having lunch together? Or maybe she’d want to go to the internet café again.

Although he looked straight ahead, his attention was on what might be happening behind him. He slung his bag over his shoulder and stood up. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jiwoo approaching. Quickly, he headed to the exit.

“Noeul.”

Jiwoo’s voice reached him, but Noeul pretended not to hear and continued out of the classroom. It was lunchtime, and the hallway was crowded. He blended into the rush of people and left the building.

Bzzz.

Noeul checked his phone. It was a message from Jiwoo.

[If I had known you couldn’t see well, I would’ve sat at the front with you :(]

Did she really see Noeul as a close friend? This “friendship” was only possible because he kept his distance. The only reason Jiwoo was comfortable being friendly was because she knew he had no romantic feelings for her.

It was possible that Jiwoo had no ill intentions, but her intentions weren’t the issue here. What mattered was how Noeul felt swayed by her every action. He didn’t like that. After about ten minutes, he typed out a reply.

[I thought you didn’t like sitting in the front row lol]

Not responding at all wasn’t an option. That would indicate he was angry, which would only attract more attention from her. He needed to maintain a balance where Jiwoo would think everything was just a coincidence, that she hadn’t done anything wrong, and that Noeul wasn’t upset. By avoiding direct encounters while not letting on that he was actively avoiding her, he could gradually distance himself. Eventually, he would be okay. He would find peace again.

Bzzz.

Was it another message from Jiwoo? Noeul checked his phone.

[7 PM tonight. Chung Jeok. You in?]

It was Hyunsoo, one of his classmates. For a moment, Noeul felt a twinge of disappointment. He chose to ignore the feeling and responded:

[Ok]

When it came to gatherings, Noeul never hesitated. He had cultivated an image of being someone who enjoyed a good drink and having fun so that people would find him easy to be around. He didn’t ask who was coming or what the plan was. An unattractive guy couldn’t afford to act too picky.

Bzzz.

[I heard you’re coming to Chung Jeok tonight hehe. See you there.]

It was another message from Jiwoo. Noeul felt a flicker of regret. If he had known she would be there, he might have reconsidered.

But backing out now would suggest that she influenced his decisions, which was the last thing he wanted. He replied with a fox emoji making a circular motion above its head, casually acknowledging her message.

***

“Noeul!”

Hyunsoo waved excitedly as Noeul arrived, and Noeul waved back. It wasn’t often that someone called his name so loudly and warmly in public, especially in a crowded place. But it was different at drinks.

Everyone wanted to sit at his table, which was always lively. Despite the seemingly chaotic partying, there was an unspoken competition among the tables to see who was having the most fun. In those settings, Noeul’s value was notably high.

“Hey, you’re here,” Joonki greeted.

He was already seated, looking as if nothing had happened, like he couldn’t care less that Noeul had spent time with Jiwoo yesterday.

There was a difference between Noeul and Joonki during these outings. Noeul was the storyteller, constantly entertaining, while Joonki could remain silent all night yet still be the center of attention. Girls didn’t directly flock to Joonki’s table but would hover nearby, waiting for a chance to join. They’d use every excuse to sit there—that they saw an empty seat on their way back from the restroom, that they wanted to drink with someone who happened to be at his table, that they got pushed into sitting there, or that their table either wasn’t drinking enough or was drinking too much.

Watching this, Noeul couldn’t help but smirk internally, though he always played along as if he believed them. Being too perceptive wasn’t a good look for someone considered unattractive. Acting clueless and agreeable made it easier to survive in the group.

As Noeul was lost in these thoughts, a group of girls walked in. He watched them naturally gravitate toward Joonki’s table. Moments later, Jiwoo entered. Pretending not to notice her, Noeul grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl in front of him.

“Wow, it’s really crowded tonight,” Jiwoo remarked, settling into the seat directly to his left.

Instantly, Noeul stood up. “Hold on a sec, this spot makes it really hard to get to the bathroom. I feel trapped. Byung-jun, can we switch seats?”

Byung-jun, who was momentarily confused, brightened up when he saw Jiwoo next to the seat in question.

“Oh, sure. Let’s switch.”

As Noeul moved away, Jiwoo watched him intently, but he ignored her. Passing by Joonki’s table, he said, “Hyemi, don’t you smoke? You can’t get out if you sit there. You planning on going cold turkey tonight? Joonki, you should switch with her.”

Hyemi, seated on Jiwoo’s other side, stood up. Joonki glanced back at Noeul with a look that said, “You rascal.”

Noeul chuckled. As he laughed, he could feel Jiwoo glaring at him. He walked past Byung-jun’s old seat and picked the farthest table from Jiwoo.

The drinking games began as the night progressed. Noeul thrived, telling stories and keeping the mood lively.

“Noeul!”

Someone shouted his name, drawing all eyes to him. It was Jiwoo. What’s going on?

From the mix of surprised and puzzled looks around him, it was unlikely to be good news. Whenever Jiwoo brought up Noeul’s name, it usually spelled trouble.

“What’s up?” Noeul asked, looking around at his classmates.

Hyunsoo, another classmate, answered for her. “Jiwoo wants you to be her proxy.”

Noeul could tell why the guys looked so awkward. Typically, being asked to be a girl’s “black knight” or designated drinker was met with cheers and made the night livelier. But not tonight. No one seemed sure how to react. Even the guys were confused.

This reaction was worse than jeers of “That ugly guy!” He felt like he was an object of pity. Why was she doing this to him? Was she trying to get back at him for ignoring her this morning?

Jiwoo laughed loudly, seemingly oblivious to the tense atmosphere.

“Okay,” Noeul agreed.

He walked over to her table and picked up the glass in front of her. The table quieted almost to silence.

With a solemn expression, he announced, “Who’s going to be my knight? The black knight’s black knight.”

“Such a Beta male move,” someone commented.

“Wow, he turned that around.”

Laughter and light jeers filled the room, easing the tension. Noeul, in an exaggerated tone, declared, “I always knew I could count on you. My best buddy.”

He passed the glass to Joonki, who took it with a playful reluctance.

“Hey, I never agreed to this.”

“Oh, come on. You don’t remember? Just drink up.”

Joonki hesitantly downed the shot glass. Noeul laughed heartily, but when he met Jiwoo’s gaze, she wasn’t laughing. Her serious expression caught him off guard, and he returned to his seat, feeling a little unsettled.

As the night wore on and the alcohol kicked in, Noeul continued to entertain his table, but his mind kept drifting back to Jiwoo’s face.

Why had she looked so serious? Almost like she was genuinely upset.

No, that couldn’t be right. She was probably just putting on an act for him to see.

Or maybe she’s frustrated that her plan to embarrass me backfired.

Ugh, I don’t know. I don’t want to think about it.

Bzzz.

Noeul checked his phone.

[I want that grape lemonade.]

It was a message from Jiwoo. Looking over at her, their eyes briefly met. Her cheeks were flushed from the alcohol, making her look even more adorable and pretty than usual. Noeul quickly averted his gaze, his heart racing.

Bzzz.

[Let’s go get it together.]

Noeul stared at the message. He felt a strange mix of soberness and intoxication.

“Hey, what’s up? Why’d you stop the story? Stop staring at your phone, I know no one’s texting you,” a classmate across from him joked, his words slurring together.

Noeul forced a laugh.

This is my reality.

He pushed away the brief fantasy that Jiwoo’s message had stirred within him. Turning to his tablemates, Noeul said, “I’m going to the convenience store. Want anything?”

“Oh, yeah. A peach ice bar, thanks,” one friend requested.

“I’ll have a rice cake ice cream,” added another.

Noeul stood up and shouted, “I’m heading to the convenience store. If you want anything, send me a message.”

“Are you treating?” someone called out.

“Make sure you transfer me the money, too,” Noeul added. Then: “Hey, Hyunsoo, come with me.”

He left the store without looking at Jiwoo.

***

“Make sure you get that drunk idiot back to the dorm safely.”

“Yeah, okay. See you next week.”

“Alright, take care.”

Noeul’s classmates staggered out of the bar. Some were crouched on the curb, emptying their guts onto the road. Noeul pulled out his phone to call a taxi, but someone tugged at his sleeve. Turning, he saw Jiwoo standing there, her eyes unfocused, clearly intoxicated.

Slowly blinking, Jiwoo asked, “Where are you going?”

“Me? Why…?”

“What do you mean, why?”

“Where are you going?” Noeul said instead of answering.

“Sogok-dong.”

He was going that way too. He hesitated for a moment, then looked around. “Wow, everyone’s so drunk tonight. I better call cabs for all of them.”

“What? Why would you do that?”

Ignoring Jiwoo, Noeul walked over to Byung-jun, who was leaning against a lamppost.

“Hey, Byung-jun. Wake up. What’s your address? Hwamun-dong, right?”

Noeul called a taxi to Hwamun-dong. Then, as if remembering something, he turned to Jiwoo.

“Hey, I’m staying to get everyone cabs. Want me to call one for you? Where did you say you were going again? Sogok-dong?”

Jiwoo stared at Noeul in disbelief.

Pretending not to notice, Noeul continued, “Okay, called it. 3946. Keep an eye out.”

“…”

“By the way, where did Joonki go? Has he passed out somewhere?”

“Hey.”

“Huh?” Noeul said, finally looking at her.

Jiwoo glared at him.

Although taken aback, Noeul responded as if nothing was wrong. “What?”

“Why are you doing this?” she slurred.

“What do you mean?”

Jiwoo kept staring at him in silence. Just then, the taxi numbered 3946 pulled up beside them. With a soft sigh, she climbed into the back seat. Noeul watched as the taxi merged into traffic and disappeared at the intersection.

He sighed deeply, pondering her actions. Maybe she genuinely didn’t get it? No one ever really understood the efforts an unattractive person went through to guard their heart.

I did pretty well today. I kept up my image, the best image a so-called ugly person can have. I even think I handled it skillfully.

Despite his self-assurance, his chest felt tight.

Better buy some beer on the way home.

Who would understand this frustration? It was like being forced to wither a budding seed of emotion. While others nurtured their feelings, allowing them to bloom into beautiful flowers and bear sweet fruit, Noeul felt that wasn’t meant for him.

Because the flowers Noeul grew were like Rafflesia, the stinking corpse lily. Its stench made everyone frown.

“Noeul.”

He turned toward the voice. There stood Hansol, leaning against the wall in a crop top and denim shorts that revealed her thighs. She seemed drunk. Why did she call out?

Noeul wasn’t feeling particularly good about it. Attractive people were the last thing he wanted to deal with tonight. He wasn’t in the mood. Nevertheless, he replied without showing any discomfort.

“What?”

Hansol, her eyes slightly unfocused behind blue-tinted lenses, stumbled toward him. Eventually, she stood directly in front of him. Wearing heels, she was almost the same height. A strong smell of alcohol wafted from her as she leaned in, her voice dropping to a hush.

“You like Jiwoo, don’t you?”