Hexed Intention

Haein lay alone in the dimly lit room, staring at her phone. The more she looked at the opened chat, the tighter her chest felt.

The girl identified herself as Yoonmin's friend. Friend. That word hurt Haein more than the accusation that she had no conscience.

It was probably that girl. The small, cute girl who always waited for Yoonmin at the school gate. She had sent Haein a message. And from Yoonmin’s phone, no less. What did that imply?

The girl must be with Yoonmin right now. Otherwise, how could she have access to his phone? Were they sitting together while Yoonmin watched her type? Or was she using his phone while he was away? Either way, it was clear they were very close.

The girl texted at an incredibly fast pace.

Yoonmin Seo: You think I don’t know what you’re up to? You’re counting on Yoonmin being so soft that he’ll forgive you if you push hard enough. Am I wrong?

Haein’s stomach churned. Was that it? Did she really think that? Of course, she did. She couldn’t deny it. Her face flushed.

How long had this girl known Yoonmin, and how deep was their relationship? It was not easy to figure out that Yoonmin was like a marshmallow on the inside. From the outside, people would often mistake him for a gloomy and resentful person. But Yoonmin… He wasn’t like that.

Yoonmin Seo: You can make fun of me all you want, I don’t care.

Yoonmin Seo: Think about what you did to him. You threw the notebook you shared with him in the trash, hung out with the kids who used to bully him, and pushed him away like he meant nothing when he tried to talk to you!

Yoonmin Seo: I thought I was going to lose it. I was with him all that time. Even with me yelling at him to stay away from you, he just kept trying. You’re seriously messed-up. Yoonmin kept trying to tell me you weren't like that. What a moron. He’d pick up the notebook you threw away and cry every day…

This was the first time Haein had heard any of this. He got the notebook out of the trash? And cried? Because of me?

Actually, it was easy to imagine. The Yoonmin she knew would have done that. But Haein had never stopped to think about it, never tried to picture it.

Why? It was obvious. She didn’t want to think of herself as the bad guy. Most people want to believe they’re good, and their brains play all kinds of tricks to maintain that belief.

Yoonmin Seo: After all that, now you want Yoonmin to forgive you? Are you out of your mind? You ditched Yoonmin, made popular friends, and now, you suddenly miss him? You must expect the world to revolve exactly the way you want it to.

Yoonmin Seo: And now what? You’re offering to let him hit you until he stops feeling betrayed? How dare you even suggest that. You know Yoonmin would never hit anyone. You sent it because you know he wouldn’t. If you had even the slightest bit of conscience, you’d be thinking about how to heal the wounds you’ve inflicted for the past two years.

Yoonmin Seo: Do you seriously think a few punches, groveling on the floor, and an apology will make up for two years of suffering? Do you think your apology is such a grand gesture? Is your groveling some monumental thing? Do you think, just because you’re sort of pretty, that your apology will be earth-shattering?

Yoonmin Seo: Please, just get out of Yoonmin’s life. You worthless bitch.

That was the last message. Haein pulled the blanket over her head and read the message again and again.

Yes. It’s all true.

Her chest throbbed. Every word from the girl’s message felt like an arrow piercing a different part of her body. Worthless bitch—no matter how hard she thought, she couldn’t refute it.

A memory bubbled up to the forefront of her mind. She had once compared Yoonmin to a pill bug. She hadn’t meant it in a bad way. She thought it was cute how Yoonmin curled up, burying his face in a book. But after she said it, the other kids laughed. What was she thinking when she said that? It was just a thoughtless comment, but she should have known how the others would take it.

“You’re right. He does look exactly like a pill bug,” the other kids agreed, snickering.

From that moment on, Yoonmin’s nickname became “pill bug.” Of course no one would like being called that. She should have apologized then.

“Haein, you’re hilarious.”

“She’s quiet, but every time she says something, it’s a hit.”

Those words used to make her feel good. They always seemed to come from kids Haein admired. The ones who would gather during lunch breaks to talk and laugh, who went to karaoke or cafés for snacks after school…

Haein desperately wanted to be part of their group. So…

I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have. I should have apologized.

There had been plenty of chances. Yoonmin had given her so many opportunities, for two whole years! Yoonmin had even apologized first. He had said, “If I’ve done something wrong, please tell me.” But Haein ignored it. Yoonmin had done nothing wrong, done nothing to deserve her mistreatment.

She shouldn’t have thrown away their notebook or crumpled up Yoonmin’s notes. She shouldn’t have ignored Yoonmin’s greetings or made Yoonmin the target of class jokes. She shouldn’t have let two years pass like that. She shouldn’t have taken her role as Yoonmin Seo’s only friend for granted. That had been the most important achievement she’d ever accomplished.

Something inside Haein snapped. She started laughing only to have the sound choked by tears.

Just look at me now. If someone were reading about my life, they’d probably say, “Serves you right. You acted like a jerk and look where that got you.”

Streams of tears began soaking into the blanket that shielded her face from the outside world.

Can’t I turn back time, just once? Whether it’s to 8th grade or 9th, it doesn’t matter. Back then, Yoonmin would have accepted my apology. We could have gone back to how things were.

For two years, someone else had taken her place as Yoonmin’s only friend. Whenever Yoonmin was sad, happy, or angry, that person was there. Now, she was standing up for Yoonmin, getting angry at Haein on his behalf. Haein had become Yoonmin’s enemy, and that girl was Yoonmin’s only ally.

How could everything go so wrong in just a couple of years? Two years ago, the world was against Yoonmin, and Haein was the only one watching his back.

The sound of a knock at her door startled her.

“Haein, I'm coming in for a minute.”

It was her father.

“Haein? What's going on?” he asked, concern lining his face. “What's wrong? Why are you crying?”

Her father sat on the edge of the bed and gently stroked Haein's hair.

“Who made my daughter cry? You can tell me, it’s okay.”

Haein just sobbed wordlessly into her pillow.

Dad, I'm not a good person at all.

***

“Jiyoo, what are you doing?”

Yoonmin asked. It had taken some time to pay for the cat treats. There was a line to the register now, and the part-timer seemed to be new, handling orders at the pace of an elderly sloth. After waiting for what felt like an eternity, Yoonmin finally returned with the bag of treats, only to see Jiyoo holding his phone in her hand.

“That bitch, not even answering,” she muttered.

His stomach dropped. “Bitch?”

“Here.”

Jiyoo handed Yoonmin the phone. Then he checked it, going through the messages Jiyoo had sent to Haein. A sickening cold sweat slithered across his skin.

What the hell, this is insane.

It was a rampage. Jiyoo had relentlessly berated Haein, and Haein had not responded to any of it. Yet all the messages had been marked as read.

“Jiyoo?” he said, trying to keep his voice calm. “Why did you—”

“Sorry for messing with your phone. But seriously, she was being so damn annoying, wasn’t she? Someone like that needs to be cussed out a bit to bring them back to reality.”

“…Still, you shouldn’t use my phone without asking.”

“Got it. Won’t do it again.” Jiyoo gave him a mock salute. “But anyway, Yoonmin, don’t be a pushover, okay? If you accept her apology and become friends with her again, it’s over for her, for you, and for me, too.”

Jiyoo watched him expectantly, waiting for a response. Yoonmin reluctantly nodded. She looked suspicious, narrowing her eyes as she picked up on his hesitation.

He felt grateful to Jiyoo. Jiyoo was always like this—getting angry on his behalf as if what happened to Yoonmin happened to her. Sometimes, her rage spiraled out of control, and he often wondered if Jiyoo had an anger management issue, but still… Wasn't that cool in a way? Donating money to an orphanage or volunteering at a soup kitchen—anyone could do that. Even without genuine altruism, anyone could pretend to care by smiling and saying the right things.

But people like Jiyoo were rare. Empaths who can feel joy, sadness, or anger over things that don’t concern them directly… Jiyoo was a great friend.

“Thanks, Jiyoo,” he said at last.

“No problem. Don’t you feel better?”

He didn’t. Yoonmin didn’t feel better at all. If Haein had argued back or fought with Jiyoo, he might’ve felt more at ease, but the fact that Haein had said nothing bothered him.

What did Haein look like now? How did she feel reading Jiyoo’s messages? Was she crying again, mumbling an apology, or was she not bothered at all?

No, who cares? It shouldn’t matter. So why am I thinking about it? Whatever, fuck it. What mattered today was hanging out with Jiyoo.

“The cats are cute,” Yoonmin said, and tore open the bag of treats.

.

***

On Monday morning, Haein was clearly not okay.

“Haein, are you feeling sick?”

“Are you alright?”

“Why aren’t you answering? Did you lose your voice again?”

Haein showed no reaction to the concern surrounding her. She just stared blankly at the desk, as if something really important was written there.

“Haein?”

“Is she really not feeling well?”

There was no life in Haein’s face. She didn’t move. She hadn’t even gotten out her books or her pencil case. She looked like a mannequin.

Jian approached the back of the classroom, where Yoonmin was sitting.

“Yoonmin, what should we do? Haein seems off.”

“What do you expect me to do?” Yoonmin retorted.

No, Yoonmin. Stop thinking this is about the messages Jiyoo sent. I’m not who matters to Haein, right? It’s her popular friends that she cares about. Maybe something happened with one of them over the weekend.

Yeeun, Jian, Soyul, Jinsol, and Ahyoon… One by one, the girls who were closest to Haein went up to her desk and tried talking to her. Haein didn’t respond. She didn’t even look at them. She totally ignored the friends she had valued more than Yoonmin.

Even when class started, nothing changed. Haein still didn’t take out her books.

“Haein Ju, are you not paying attention?”

Only after the teacher scolded her did Haein take out her book, as if she had just realized the teacher was there.

Even at lunchtime, Haein sat alone. Her friends called out to her, but Haein remained catatonic. She just stared numbly into space.

“Something must be wrong. Let’s just leave her alone today.”

Her friends left Haein alone and ate their lunch at another table.

What’s wrong with her? Wait, I don’t need to worry about her. No, I shouldn’t care. Didn’t Jiyoo say not to act like a pushover? Right now, Yoonmin should be celebrating Haein’s pain. Even if Jiyoo’s words did this, it wasn’t something for him to concern himself with. She deserved those insults, considering what she did.

Then, Yoonmin remembered something. That expression—she had seen it before. It was the first day Haein transferred in, back in 8th grade, after she’d broken down crying from stress. When the other kids stopped approaching her, she wore exactly that same expression.

Eating lunch alone while looking at her phone, going home alone… Back then, Yoonmin had noticed Haein because of her behavior.

Should I go talk to her? he’d wondered. No, she wouldn't enjoy my company.

In actuality, the way he’d discovered Haein’s joke notebook… wasn’t just by chance.

Damn it.

Yoonmin stood up. He couldn’t take it anymore. He resented his mother for passing on her weak genetics. He should’ve gotten his dad’s genes instead. If he were the type of person who was indifferent to other people’s pain, life would’ve been easier.

“Hey, Haein.”

Yoonmin walked over to Haein’s seat, steeling himself for what he was about to say.

“Let’s talk.”