Hexed Intention

Yoonmin lowered his head to look at the sandwich. Ham, egg, tomato, and bacon… a classic sandwich. He didn’t particularly like tomatoes, but he bought the same thing every day because he couldn’t be bothered to find one without tomatoes.

“Jian… I’m sorry. I made a huge mistake. Okay? I truly…”

Yoonmin didn’t want to hear her voice. So he just stared at the contents of the sandwich.

“I know, Haein. But…”

It felt like he’d gone back in time. Two years ago, when Yoonmin was in 8th grade, he was in Haein’s position. He begged Haein, crying, to go back to how they were before. Now, Jian held Haein’s former position, rejecting her friend’s apologies and moving on to new friends.

Not long ago, it was Yoonmin in Jian’s position. Haein begged Yoonmin, with tears in her eyes, to bring back the friendship they once shared. A role reversal he never saw coming. At that time, Yoonmin couldn’t accept her apology, just like Haein didn’t accept his two years ago. But it wasn’t out of retaliation. He truly didn’t think it was possible to repair a friendship so broken.

“It’s because I’m having such a hard time,” Jian said finally. “When I’m with you, it hurts too much.”

Yoonmin gripped the sandwich so tightly that juice from the tomato seeped out and stained his hand. This was why Yoonmin hated tomatoes.

Haein, you got what you deserved. If you act like that, it’s only natural to end up like this.

If only Yoonmin was the kind of person who could say something that harsh and laugh. But right now, Yoonmin only felt uncomfortable.

He hated that he knew how Haein felt right now. Despised that he could imagine the desperation and pain of the ever-widening gap between the two friends. Loathed that he could put his past self in Haein’s shoes.

“I won’t make things hard for you. Okay?” Haein said, her voice beginning to sound choked. “I… I’ve really thought about this a lot. Jian, I know how much you care about me… I did something really awful. From now on… it won’t happen again. Really, I’ll be an amazing friend that you’ll never have to worry about. Please. We’ve been best friends for two years…”

Yoonmin said pretty much the same thing two years ago.

“Haein, if I did something wrong… Please tell me what it was. Please? We’ve been such good friends for so long. If there’s something wrong, I can fix it.”

“Haein,” Jian answered slowly, “I can accept your apology. But that’s not the problem. I don’t think you can fix this. I… No matter how I think about it, your face when you told me to leave you alone seemed like your true self. Even if it’s not actually true, I can’t shake it off.”

“I’m sorry, Haein. Even if I forgive you, I don’t want to be your friend again.” The exact line Yoonmin said when it was he that Haein was pleading with.

This thing between Jian and Haein echoed his past far more than he wanted it to.

“Jian… No… I…”

“Whether you wanted it or not, I cared about you a lot, Haein, for the past two years. But it seems like you didn’t value my feelings until I got angry.”

Haein’s lip trembled.

“I keep imagining how you treated my feelings like they were nothing, and thinking that all this time meant nothing to you… I don’t want to be around you. Every time you hand me food… honestly… I feel like throwing up.”

Haein’s mouth pressed tightly shut. She probably had nothing to say, because Jian was most likely right. It was the same reason Yoonmin couldn’t be around Haein. He thought Haein cherished their time together, but realizing that he was the only one who felt that way had been a shock to his system. From there, hatred boiled up to the point where he started studying black magic.

Haein didn’t speak. Yoonmin stared at the tomato oozing from his sandwich. If he looked at Haein now, he might feel sorry for her, despite knowing how pathetic it was. He was looking so hard at the limp vegetable, he probably appeared to be waiting for it to reveal some hidden secret.

Step by step, Haein returned to her seat. Yoonmin took a bite of his sandwich and Jian opened her lunchbox. Neither of them said a word.

“You should’ve given those meatballs to me,” Minsu grumbled, glancing towards Haein. “They looked delicious.”

Yoonmin felt his mouth fall open. “How can you say that right now?”

***

“I can’t walk home with you today,” Soyul said. It was just before the final meeting of the school day.

“Oh… Why?” Haein asked nervously. She felt like she might not want to know the answer.

“Some friends from elementary school asked to meet up with me for a bit, so I have to go the opposite way.”

“Oh…

Haein wondered if it was true. She had never seen Soyul meeting other friends before.

“Elementary school friends… Who?”

“You wouldn’t know even if I told you,” Soyul pointed out. “You didn’t even live here during elementary school.”

“Still, what are their names?”

“Names? Jieun Sim and Ahyoung Kwon.”

“I… I see.”

Did she really make plans with them or did she make them up to avoid me? But if I ask more, she’ll get annoyed. The last thing I need is to be annoying on top of everything else.

But... What if it wasn’t true? What if she actually felt hurt by Haein and didn’t want to walk home with her anymore? What if she was starting to distance herself from Haein, just like Jian? It would make sense if she did.

Soyul also met Haein in 9th grade. She was her closest friend after Jian. They’d spent a long time hanging out together as a trio. But Soyul might have been put off by Haein’s attitude towards Jian. It was very likely, since Soyul and Jian were friends too. So, she might be acting a little cold towards Haein. A little? Or a lot? How much? What if Soyul also decided to reject Haein?

She had to accept that it wasn’t just possible; it was probable. Come to think of it, that skull mood light… Haein asked Soyul to pass it on to Yoonmin, without telling him it was actually from her. She probably hated that, but hadn’t said anything.

Yes… That was why she was going to start hanging out with Jieun Sim and Ahyoung Kwon. Soyul wasn’t as straightforward as Jian. Soyul always spoke and acted in a subtle way. So this… Did this mean she wouldn’t hang out with Haein anymore?

That couldn’t happen. If it did, Haein would be…

“We’re… we’re walking home together tomorrow, right?” Haein asked Soyul. It was almost a pleading tone.

“Of course.”

Of course? Really? Could Haein really take that at face value? Didn’t Soyul actually want to hang out with Jian? If she had to choose between Jian and Haein, who would she choose? Wouldn’t most people choose Jian? Jian was different from Haein. She was a righteous and straightforward person. She was honest, pretty, and even strong. Obviously, Soyul would choose Jian.

“…Okay.”

There was little Haein could say.

“Ah, I really need to go to karaoke. Can we go on the way home?” Jinsol begged.

“Karaoke? Haein doesn’t even like singing.”

The moment Yeeun answered for her, Haein frantically waved her hands.

“No, no. Let’s go.”

“Huh? Are you sure?”

“Yeah… Of course. I do have a song I like.”

“Why do you suddenly want to sing karaoke”

Haein looked between her friends’ faces.

“I don’t really like singing.”

Why did she say that so brazenly before? When these wonderful friends were willing to hang out with trash like Haein Ju, why did she feel so comfortable declaring her dislikes as if they mattered? She should have been grateful for any activity they suggested.

“By the way… Jinsol, you’re the teacher’s assistant next week, right?” Haein said hastily.

“Ah, right. Damn, it’s so annoying. Don’t we wake up early enough as is?”

“Can I do that instead?”

Jinsol looked nonplussed. “You, Haein? Why?”

“I usually wake up early anyway. And I have nothing to do... I thought cleaning would be better than just spacing out.”

“You really want to?”

At that moment, Ahyoon and Yeeun chimed in.

“What do you mean ‘do you want to,’ Jinsol Kim? You should handle your own responsibilities.”

“Yeah, Haein, why would you do that? Don’t spoil her.”

Haein shook her head.

“No… I actually want to do it.”

***

“Are you two really going to be like this?” Jiyoo demanded. When puffing up her cheeks and wriggling around on the bed didn’t yield any results, she started kicking Jian and Yoonmin’s backs as they reclined against the bed.

“Ow, Jiyoo, what are you doing?”

“Jeez! What’s wrong, Jiyoo?”

“What do mean what’s wrong? What are you two doing after coming all the way to my house?”

“What do you mean? We’re not doing anything…

They really weren’t doing anything. Both Yoonmin and Jian were just staring into space, sitting on the floor.

“That’s exactly it! Why are you playing dead at my house, both of you!”

“Um… We don’t usually do much when we come here, do we?”

“Damn it, I’ve been asking for a while now. What do you want to eat for dinner? I’m hungry! Did you answer? No, you didn’t!”

“Uh... When did you ask about that?”

“You—”

Jiyoo’s foot lashed out again. Yoonmin and Jian rolled down on the floor, yelling, “Ouch! Stop it!”

“You two… It’s because of Haein Ju again, isn’t it?”

Both Yoonmin and Jian fell silent. They knew better than to answer.

“It’s obvious, there’s no other reason you’d both be this out of it. You ungrateful brats! You keep whining about hating her, so why do you care so much about what she does?!”

“I… tried not to care…” Yoonmin said.

He really had tried hard to not care what Haein did. But these past few days, Haein had changed. Like a rusting bicycle chain, or a stone being eroded, Haein was gradually wearing away.

He wasn’t the only person to notice she’d started acting weird. First of all, she was giving all her possessions to her friends. Yesterday, Yoonmin saw Yeeun compliment Haein’s wristwatch, then watched Haein take it off and give it to Yeeun.

“Haein, why are you giving this to me…?”

“Oh, well. Actually, I thought it didn’t really look good on me. I think it would look much prettier on you, Yeeun.”

Yeeun refused several times, but Haein was insistent. In the end, she put the watch on Yeeun’s wrist, and Yeeun seemed very awkward about it.

Then, whenever a teacher tried to assign something to her friends, Haein would always volunteer to do it instead. It was bizarre. Haein seemed desperate, to the point where she didn’t notice how uncomfortable she was making her friends.

Yoonmin could see right through Haein.

You must be anxious now. About losing your remaining friends. About being left alone… But you should just act normal. If you act like a freak, your friends will be even more inclined to ditch you.

I guess she is stupid. She wouldn’t have lost a friend like Jian if she wasn’t stupid. Anyway, it’s not my problem. I can’t believe how pathetic she’s become, that idiot...

At least, that’s what he tried to think. He tried to convince himself of those words several times. Now, here at Jiyoo’s house, Jian seemed to be in the same state.

“Alright… If you’re going to space out like this, I have an idea,” Jiyoo said with exasperation. She went out and came back with a black bag.

“I’m going to curse Haein Ju. Make her disappear right before your eyes!”

“Again?” Yoonmin asked. He couldn’t take her seriously. Could Jiyoo, with her weak stomach, even perform a proper curse? After performing the maggot curse last time, Jiyoo was sick in bed for days. She said maggots appeared in her dreams. Sometimes, he thought she just wasn’t cut out for black magic.

“You think I can’t do it?” she asked him defiantly. “I’ve gone through these grimoires dozens of times and found a hex even I can do. The Native American potato curse!”

“Potato curse?”

“Yes! Look. You carve Haein Ju’s name and date of birth into a potato with a knife… and then you roast it! The book says the person whose name is carved into the potato will weaken and die.”

“Hmm…”

Why a potato of all things? Curses are made up of cultural symbols. Native Americans worship nature. Potatoes grow from the ground, so they probably thought it was imbued with the power of the earth. And humans also return to the soil, so they probably gave meaning to that.

But how about nowadays? Can we say potatoes are imbued with the power of the earth? Wouldn’t the power of fertilizers be stronger? They’re mass-produced in greenhouses…

And on top of that, can we say humans return to the soil these days? Don’t we put them in urns after cremation?

Surely the symbolism of that curse has already faded.

“Also, if you eat this potato after roasting it, it says you can gain the vitality of the cursed person. So you don’t have to worry about zan’e effects, right? You can’t stop me this time,” Jiyoo said triumphantly. She plunged a small paring knife into the potato’s dusty skin.

“I’m not going to stop you,” Yoonmin said with a shrug. “But where are you going to roast it? Outside?”

“No, in the oven,” Jiyoo retorted, as if it were obvious.

“Looking at the picture showing the curse method,” he pointed out, now poring over the text containing the directions. “It seems like it should be roasted over an open flame…”

“The point is to apply heat, right? How different could it be from roasting in an oven?”

It seems like it could be very different…

Then Jian piped up, “If we’re going to eat it anyway, let’s add salt and butter!”

“Oh, good idea!” Jiyoo said enthusiastically.

So that day, Yoonmin, Jiyoo, and Jian enjoyed buttered potatoes for dinner.

***

The next morning, Soyul approached Yoonmin and said, “Hey, let’s talk outside for a moment.”

“What is it?”

“Don’t you know what it’s about?”

He avoided her gaze. “I don’t want to talk.”

When Yoonmin didn’t rise from his seat, Soyul said,

“That skull mood light I gave you. You knew Haein bought it, right?”

Yoonmin didn’t answer.

“Haein watched that movie alone. Someone as easily scared as her, sitting in a dark theater with her hands over her eyes. Just to buy you a mood light.”

“So what?” Yoonmin retorted.