Hexed Intention

Last night, when Yoonmin returned home after saying goodbye to Jiyoo, all the lights in the house were off. He heard sobbing from somewhere. It was his mother.

She was sitting at the kitchen table, her face buried in her hands. Tears were dripping between her palms. A feeling of discomfort settled into Yoonmin’s stomach and the smell of buttered potatoes rose in his throat.

“Did you have dinner?” he asked his mother in a low voice.

She didn’t reply, but her shoulders continued to shudder with sobs.

“What happened?”

No response

Yoonmin hesitated before saying, “What did Dad do this time?”

His mother cried silently for a long time. She was gripping her phone tightly in her hand. Yoonmin could make a guess at what had happened to his mother. She had trusted his father again, been betrayed by him again, and was going through everything all alone. Again.

What kind of process did she undergo when these things happened? Did she work to forgive his father’s actions? Or was it a process of deceiving herself?

In the middle of the table was a golden flower decoration. It was the golden rose his father had bought as a wedding anniversary gift. When someone came face to face with his father, it seemed like no one else in the world was as nice as him. He presented the convincing front of a caring and wonderful father. Yet his father always committed his sins when no one was watching. There was a snake coiled deep in his frigid heart.

Yoonmin sat quietly in front of his mother. At times like this, his mother reminded him of Jiyoo. When Jiyoo lay down crying, she reminded him of his mother. Both had the shared trait of dealing with their problems alone.

Finally, when her sobs had subsided, his mother said, “You’re everything that I have.”

Yoonmin hated when she told him that. It felt like his mother was using him as an escape from her miserable existence. Like she had given up fighting both with his father and for herself. He hated everything about it. His father was always the one messing things up, so why was his mother the one suffering?

Damn it, why can’t you just call him a sick bastard and sign the divorce papers already?

It’s all his fault, so you’ll get a fat alimony check.

Why on earth are you embracing such a shit person and getting so worked up over him?

I wasn’t born to be your escape.

***

Soyul said that Haein bought the skull lamp.

Yoonmin knew already. It made more sense than Soyul buying it.

“But so what?” he muttered to himself. The day he realized it was probably from Haein, he had put all the mood lights away, because he couldn’t distinguish which one was from Haein.

He despised thinking about her while looking at the skull lights. He didn’t want to think about Haein Ju at all. He despised the emotions that accompanied those thoughts.

Please just let me live my life, far away from you. Why do you keep trying to be a part of it?

Soyul tried to pull Yoonmin’s arm to take him outside. He didn’t respond, so Soyul tugged a chair in front of him and sat down. Yoonmin curled up in his seat, resting his head on the desk, just to make it abundantly clear that he was not interested in talking to her. Ignoring this, Soyul started whispering above his head.

“Haein is pretty stupid, isn’t she? She thought you wouldn’t know she bought the lamp, but it was obvious.”

It was hard to ignore Soyul when she was so close to him. Her hair smelled of green tea. Did she use green tea shampoo?

Her whispering voice tickled Yoonmin’s ear.

“Why do you think she didn’t want you to know that she gave it to you?”

“I’m not interested,” he mumbled.

“She said she didn’t want you to think it was her trying to make up with you. She thought long and hard about what to do, and that’s the conclusion she came up with.”

Yoonmin had no response to that.

“Isn’t that admirable?” Soyul urged.

Yoonmin frowned. Admirable? He hated that he couldn’t say ‘No, not at all’. He hated the pebble of affection rolling around in his shoe, stopping him from saying what he felt. His mother always tripped over the same tiny stone.

“Your father is really a good person,” his mother said, holding the golden rose she’d just received. Golden rose, online delivery price of 47,370 won. His father didn’t even spend 50,000 won to seek forgiveness from his mother on their wedding anniversary. How simple-minded did his father think his mother was?

He wanted to tell his mother that this was exactly why his father looked down at her. The reason why he felt he could hurt her again and again. That was why she was always covered with invisible wounds.

Yoonmin said, begrudgingly, “Yeah, it’s admirable. So what?”

“Well…” Soyul said with an air of patience. “When she made meatballs to give to Jian, didn’t you feel something from Haein?”

“I didn’t feel anything.”

“I don’t think that’s true…”

Yoonmin rolled his eyes, his gaze landing on Soyul. Round eyes, an innocent face, an unfathomable smile… Yoonmin lowered his head again. He was hoping to convey he was too tired to have this conversation, but she continued regardless.

“You know, Jian is really weak when it comes to affection. So these days, I’ve noticed she always looks so dark and gloomy. But she has a bit of an obsession with relationships, so she can’t bring herself to reconcile with Haein, but she can’t turn off her feelings either. It’s obvious she’s stuck in that state. It’s sad, just watching from the sidelines.”

“So?”

“I was hoping you could give Jian a little push. It would be even better if you got over whatever happened with Haein, too.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Why not? Can’t you tell Jian doesn’t know what to do? I thought you’d be perceptive.”

“That’s her business to deal with. There’s no reason for me to interfere.” Yoonmin just wanted her to leave him alone.

Soyul thought for a moment before speaking.

“From what I see… You’re like Jian, aren’t you? Don’t you want to forgive Haein? Don’t you want to hang out with her again?”

“No,” he growled.

“Well… I don’t know what happened between you and Haein in the past, but… this is what I think. Humans are ultimately alone anyway.”

That caught Yoonmin off guard. “What?”

What’s she talking about all of a sudden? What does that have to do with anything? Despite himself, Yoonmin raised his head.

“Really,” Soyul said, nodding. “Kids might huddle together now, talking about lifelong friendships and whatnot, but humans are bound to scatter eventually. When you get a job, get married, have kids, raise them, grow old, and die, there’ll be no one by your side.”

Yoonmin stared at her. “Aren’t you thinking too far ahead?”

“No. It’s the opposite. You guys are the ones thinking too much. Think about it, why get all worked up over friendships that won’t last forever anyway? We’ll all drift apart eventually, so why not just have fun together now and part ways when the time comes?”

Yoonnmin couldn’t believe his ears. What is she saying?

“Isn’t it enough to just enjoy the moment right now? I know Haein isn’t all good, I have my own grievances with her too, but it’s not like you’re going to marry her, right? You’re not going to be lifelong friends, are you?”

“Uh… Huh?” Yoonmin was baffled. He had no idea Soyul thought this way. He always believed she was one of Haein’s best friends.

“Right now, you’re all just stressing out because of Haein, aren’t you? Just have fun. Hang out now, and then ditch her next year, or the year after, or when we all go to college. Things are easier that way.”

“No… Do you really think that way?”

“Yes. That’s why I’m doing this now. Things have been awkward lately because of you guys. I just want to have fun and chat, but everyone is being so dramatic.”

Yoonmin was too stunned to reply.

“So, how about it? Just forget about the past. Even if you don’t like Haein, just pretend to get along with her. At least that way, your high school life will be easier, right? At least Haein is pretty on the outside. When you hang out with a pretty girl, other people envy you. You’d feel superior, wouldn't you? What do you think?”

What do I think? This is completely sociopathic. Is she crazy? Soyul was smiling brightly, but it sent a chill down his spine. Does Haein believe this person is one of her her best friends?

“I don’t want to,” he said.

“Really?” she said quizzically. “That’s surprising.”

It was surprising that she expected anything different.

“Alright,” she said with a shrug. “Then there’s nothing we can do.”

With that, Soyul returned to her seat.

***

Haein took out her food container. Their classmates gathered around her seat clamoring to see inside.

“What is it today?”

“The spring rolls that Soyul said she wanted yesterday,” Haein answered.

“Wow. I didn’t know you could make spring rolls at home. It seems like a lot of work.”

Haein shook her head. “No. It was manageable. Some are shrimp and the rest are pork. Try them.”

Yoonmin half-listened to the noise coming from Haein’s seat while focusing on his sandwich. Bacon, tomato, lettuce… The same sandwich as usual. The one he bought from the convenience store every morning.

“Hey, those look delicious,” Minsu said, craning his neck to peer at the spring rolls. Then, as if realizing what he’d said, he clapped his hand over his mouth. At some point, having lunch with Minsu and Jian had become the norm.

“No, no. Nothing in the world is more delicious than the lunchbox Yumi makes.”

If Minsu looked a little less frightening, Yoonmin would have said he was laying it on thick.

“You’re lucky. Being in a relationship,” Jian said to Minsu while opening her lunchbox.

“It’s great, I feel like I’m going to die of happiness these days,” he said with a self-satisfied smirk.

“Uh-huh, right.”

Jian’s lunch was salad and chicken breast. She said she had to maintain her diet for a while because of some competition.

“Yoonmin, he’s really something, you know?” Minsu chuckled. “Do you know what advice he gave me? He told me to reject Yumi’s physical touch after she told me we had to wait until I graduated. So I followed his advice. I pushed Yumi’s hand away and said, ‘Didn’t you say not until we’re in college?’ And guess what, she got so desperate that, at night—”

“No, please don’t say any more than that,” Jian said hurriedly.

“Anyway, thanks Yoonmin,” Minsu said, his smile growing wider. “Is there anything you want to eat? I’ll treat you to something big again.”

“No… it’s fine.”

“If you ever have any trouble, just tell me. If anyone’s bullying you, let me know and I’ll go crush them for you.”

“No one’s bothering me,” Yoonmin muttered.

If anything, Minsu’s bragging was what tormented Yoonmin the most.

What the hell did he do with his college girlfriend at night? He is definitely having the time of his life.

But at the same time, Yoonmin felt grateful to Minsu. Both Yoonmin and Jian needed something to distract them from Haein right now. Actually, it would be nice to eat outside the classroom, but the teachers were strictly monitoring the halls, saying that if they allowed students to eat lunch wherever they wanted, the school would get dirty.

“Oh, wait. Yumi is calling. I’ll be right back.”

He got to his feet and moved a few paces away, eagerly cramming the phone to his ear. As he answered the call, Haein’s table started buzzing.

“Soyul? Are you really not going to try some? Haein made spring rolls, just for you.”

“I’m sorry. I just don’t feel like eating anything greasy today,” Soyul said offhandedly.

“But where are you going?”

“Just thought I’d eat somewhere else today.”

“Hey, Soyul… I know you can be moody, but today you’re acting really weird…”

Yoonmin looked over at Haein’s seat before he could stop himself. Soyul stood up and strode over to Yoonmin, leaving behind Ahyoon, Yeeun, and Jinsol.

Haein didn’t say anything. She just watched Soyul go with trembling lips. Her face was so pale that it seemed like she might collapse.

Damn, Soyul Lee…

Yoonmin felt a pain in his chest. He could imagine what Haein must be thinking right now. No, wouldn’t anyone be able to tell from that expression?

She probably thought that, after Jian, now Soyul had left her too. She must think she had been abandoned by her two closest friends.

Soyul sat down in Minsu’s empty seat and said nonchalantly, “Jian, long time no see.”

Jian’s expression had hardened.

“Soyul, why are you here,” she asked roughly.

“What do you mean why? We’re best friends, aren’t we? Why would it be weird for me to come eat with you.”

Soyul emphasized ‘best friends’ in a particularly loud voice. As if she wanted Haein to hear it.

“What are you planning?” Yoonmin whispered.

“Planning?” Soyul answered. “Nothing. This seat just looked more fun.”

Soon after, Minsu returned, hesitating when he saw his chair was now occupied.

“Tell us more about your love life, Minsu,” Soyul said. “Come on.”