Hexed Intention

“Yoonmin, what does a bear say when it apologizes?

“A bear apologizing? What do you mean?”

“Beary sorry!”

“Huh? Why?”

“Because it’s a bear saying sorry! Bear-y sorry!”

“Jeez… Haein, you’re seriously…”

Yoonmin’s face, grimacing and shuddering, came to mind. Haein smiled briefly at the mental image but it slipped away as soon as it appeared. Yoonmin no longer looked at her like that. His expression towards her was always hard now, like a frozen stream in winter—rigid and cold. She felt like, if she touched it, it would shatter into thousands of splinters and pierce her heart.

It had been fun spending time with Yoonmin. When they first started becoming friends, he said, “Are you sure you want to hang out with me? I’m a loser. You’ll end up being ignored in class too.”

Haein reassured him, saying it was fine. She didn’t think of him as a loser. Yoonmin was just interested in different things than most boys. He always carried books like The Psychology of Murder, The Sociopath Next Door, The Existence of the Soul, and UFOs Are Real! and his eyes would sparkle whenever he talked about them.

“Can you really call someone a villain just because they killed someone?” he’d once asked. “I think good and evil are defined by social empathy. There isn’t an absolute distinction between good and bad actions. Did you know that most murderers’ psychological profiles fall within normal boundaries?

Yoonmin always seemed impressive when he talked like that. Meanwhile, Haein was busy thinking up silly jokes like “beary sorry.”

Yoonmin didn’t play video games or watch popular dramas. He did, however, indulge her enjoyment of dumb jokes, filling page after page of a notebook with her. He, who didn’t mingle with other kids, spent time with her. It felt like a privilege, knowing she was the only one he cared about.

But now, how did things end up like this? What do you mean “how,” Haein? she berated herself. You know how. You ruined everything.

“I saw a video yesterday where they fried an octopus in beef intestinal fat, and they said the octopus ends up tasting like intestines, and the intestines taste like octopus,” Soyul said.

“Hm… Is that supposed to be good or bad?” Ahyoon asked.

“The hosts seemed to enjoy it.” Soyul said with a shrug. “Seems like it would be good. Beef intestines are tasty, and fried octopus is good, so they must be delicious together.”

“I think I’d hate it if the intestines tasted like octopus…”

Ahyoon, Soyul, Jian, Yeeun, and Jinsol... These five girls had replaced Yoonmin’s presence in Haein’s life. Jian and Soyul had been with her since 9th grade, while the others became her friends in high school. They were all pretty and kind, popular with both boys and girls. If Haein showed her current self to her 8th grade self, would middle school Haein be jealous? Definitely.

Right now, Haein wanted to kill that version of herself.

“Haein, why are you spacing out?”

“Huh... What?”

“What do you think? Would octopus fried in beef intestinal fat taste good?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never had either of those things.”

“What? Really?”

All five girls seemed to start talking at once.

“Why haven’t you tried so many things?”

“Let’s go right now! We’ll start with beef intestines.”

Haein couldn’t bring herself to speak.

It’s like I said. My friends are great. I’m doing pretty well as I am. Even telling herself that, it didn’t seem to make much difference. She wasn’t happy. She was surrounded by the cool friends that middle school Haein had dreamed of, and yet…

As these musings performed a death spiral in Haein’s mind, it happened.

“Guys, how about we invite Yoonmin to come with us to lunch?” Jian suggested. “I saw him eating some bread alone earlier.”

Haein looked up at her. Jian was doing it again.

“Come to think of it, Jian, you’ve been hovering around Yoonmin a lot lately.”

“I don’t mind if you invite him, but wouldn’t he feel awkward?”

“Yeah, he doesn’t seem to talk much.”

A predictable response. But Jian continued.

“No, he does talk! Did you know that he can tell name fortunes?”

“What? Really? Did he do one for you?”

“Yeah,” Jian answered with enthusiasm.

“Was it accurate? What did he say about you?”

“It was crazy accurate! He said I’m blessed with money, fame, and relationships, but that I could lose it all if I’m careless with my words and actions.”

“Wow, nailed it! Jian, he’s right, you’re so extra.”

“But I’ve been more careful lately!” she protested.

“Careful? Yeah, right. Okay, sure, let’s invite him. Getting our fortunes read sounds fun. Does he need to know our birth time?”

If the others didn’t mind, Haein couldn’t be the one to refuse. She nodded her quiet agreement. Then Jian stood up and walked over to Yoonmin’s seat. They talked for a while. Haein watched Yoonmin frown, sigh, and then smiled a little as he conversed with Jian.

Staring blankly at the sight, Haein had a sudden thought.

Why am I not the one talking to him?

In middle school, it was always just the two of them. They talked, ate, and walked home together, living in their own world. The place where Yoonmin and Haein sat was practically an island. The other kids didn’t talk to them, and they didn’t talk to the other kids. It was just the two of them.

Now, Yoonmin and Haein were in different worlds because Haein abandoned the island. She was standing on the mainland, watching the island from afar, unable to swim back. But it wasn’t Haein who connected the island and the mainland. It was Jian. Yoonmin never allowed Haein to approach, but he let Jian in.

“I talked to him, and he said he wants to eat lunch alone,” Jian announced, reclaiming her spot. “He doesn’t like noisy places.”

Jian glanced at Haein.

What’s with that look? Are you smug about being able to talk to him when I can’t? Or are you blaming me for his rejection? No, that’s impossible. Jian wouldn’t do that.

Haein lowered her head, disgusted with herself. Her self-loathing was starting to poison her mind against innocent bystanders.

“Told you, Jian. I knew he’d say that.”

“But I still want my fortune read. Can’t he just come for a few minutes?”

“Oh, he said he’d do it if you go one by one.”

“Really? Me first!” Soyul yelled.

With that, Soyul ran over to where Yoonmin was reading. His face transitioned smoothly between surprised to awkward, then eventually landing on enthusiastic. He always made that face when talking about something he was interested in. A face he only used to show Haein.

She could just barely make out Yoonmin’s voice.

“Fortune telling is based on the theory of the five elements. The theory of the five elements is… So, at the beginning of time, there was this giant called…”

“Okay, okay, Yoonmin, I don’t need to know the history of fortune telling.”

Yoonmin paused, a faint flush coloring his face.

“I don’t care about how it’s done, just tell me the result. What’s my fortune? How’s my name?”

“Let’s see. Lee Soyul, born September 15th, 2008…”

Yoonmin’s detailed reading of Soyul’s fortune had sent her into a frenzy by the time she returned. It was amazing, totally spot on, he was a fortune-telling master… Hearing her ravings, Ahyoon, Yeeun, and Jinsol perked up too.

“I’ll ask him to read mine at the next break.”

“Can he check compatibility too? I need to ask my boyfriend’s birth time.”

Then Soyul asked, “Haein, aren’t you going to get yours read?”

“I’m good.”

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, it was that she couldn’t. It didn’t matter if it was the next break, the break after that, or the day after tomorrow, Yoonmin would never read Haein’s fortune.

“Hang on, I’m going to the restroom,” Haein mumbled.

“Want to go together?”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll be quick.”

For some reason, she felt like crying. Haein went into the bathroom and pulled out a note tucked in her phone case. It was the last note Yoonmin had left for her in 9th grade. It said, I’m sorry I’ve been bothering you for so long. I’ve finally realized that you don’t want to be around me anymore. Don’t worry, I’ll leave you alone from now on.

At the time, Haein thought, Finally, you get it.

What was wrong with her? How could she have been so stupid?

***

Haein was absent. The teacher said she was fighting off the flu, lying in bed, unable to move. The announcement was met with disappointed grumbling. The classroom felt so dull without her.

“She does look pretty fragile, doesn’t she?”

“It’s going to feel empty at lunch without her.”

Yoonmin wished he couldn’t hear his classmates.

You’ve made it, Haein. Must feel nice to have people notice your absence.

What would happen if Yoonmin were absent? People probably wouldn’t even realize he was gone. That wasn’t even an exaggeration. When he was sick and absent in 9th grade, most of the other kids didn’t even know he wasn’t there. Someone even asked him, “Hey, what was the math homework from yesterday?” when he’d returned.

The only person who ever paid attention to Yoonmin was Haein. Back then, he never could have imagined she would betray him.

Sick, huh? Serves you right. This is what karma is, Haein. But the flu… That’s not as strong as the spellbook said it would be.

Yoonmin had hexed Haein again yesterday. Cursing her had become part of his daily routine. Going to school, hanging out with Jiyoo, cursing Haein, having dinner, working out, doing homework, and going to bed–that was his life.

The ritual he performed yesterday came from the revenge rituals of the Azande tribe in southern Africa. You had to build a hut out of straw, hang an animal’s skull inside, and say, “I was wronged by so-and-so. Please deliver justice for their sins.” The text said the person would then fall ill and slowly die.

Maybe it’s starting now, and it just looks like the flu to everyone else? Ha, Haein Ju… You’re done.

Yoonmin couldn’t focus on his class. His mind was too riddled with anxiety and excitement. Haein had gotten what she deserved. She finally had.

But… Did the curse actually work? Really? I didn’t even have an animal skull, so I used a whole pig’s head instead… Was that okay? A whole head seems over the top…

“I just talked to Haein on the phone, and her voice is completely gone. She sounded shaky. She must be really sick,” Jian said, striding over to Yoonmin’s desk. An image of Haein lying in a coffin flashed through his mind.

“So what?” he responded.

“Why don’t you at least send her a message asking if she’s okay?” Jian pushed. “You’re in the group chat, right?”

“No.”

“I don’t get it. Why do you hate Haein so much? She’s such a nice girl.”

Nice? Yeah, I used to think so, too.

“I’m going to visit her later,” Jian said, eying Yoonmin. “Do you have anything you want me to tell her?”

“No.”

“You’re so cold,” she muttered.

You have no idea just how much colder Haein is than me.

“Ugh, fine.” Jian threw her hands up in defeat. “I’ll stop by the store after school and get her something. She should be able to eat yogurt, right?”

“Wait.” Yoonmin gritted his teeth. “I’m coming with you.”

“Where? To see Haein? That’s a bit… She probably isn’t even wearing makeup…”

“No, not there,” he said, annoyed. “I mean let’s go to the store together.”

“Oh… I knew that.”

***

After school, Jian and Soyul went to Haein’s house. Since Haein was sick, it seemed excessive for all five of them to go at once.

“Thanks for coming…” Haein whispered painfully.

“Wow, Haein, your voice is completely gone,” Soyul commented, a sympathetic look on her face.

“You’ve got it bad. Have you eaten? Do you want some yogurt or something?”

Jian started unloading the plastic grocery bag. But then she spotted something.

“Huh? I didn’t buy this,” Jian said, holding up a grape Jell-o cup. “Soyul, did you put this in?”

“No, I only put in some candy.”

“Why would you get candy for yourself when we’re visiting a sick friend?”

“I can throw it in while I’m shopping!”

Cutting through their bickering with a pathetic wheeze, Haein asked Jian, “Was Yoonmin at the store by any chance?”

Jian blinked at her. “How did you know?”

“Just a guess.”

Haein opened the lid of the grape Jell-o cup. It took her back to a distant memory.

“Haein, you’re always eating those.”

“You should try it! It’s so good.”