In a World without God

Being alive is like being swallowed by a snake. You’re trapped in a narrow stomach, squirming around, waiting for the day when your body will melt away. You wait and watch as your flesh dissolves and your bones melt away.

Screaming is pointless. The outside world can’t hear you. If there is no salvation in life, isn’t it better to die early?

Marie squatted in the corner of the room, staring at the rotting wooden ceiling that could collapse at any moment.

If it’s going to crumble, let it crumble.

It was long after sunrise, but no one in the room had moved, including Marie. They were all children trapped in the belly of a snake—living dolls, half-corpses waiting for death.

Marie looked around and suddenly realized someone was missing—her younger brother Enri.

When did he leave?

Marie knew that Enri’s opponent in the Festival of Saints was Taric. She’d heard that Taric wanted to torture the witch’s offspring to please the crowd. Maybe Enri had gone out to end his own life and avoid the pain.

As soon as the thought crossed her mind, Marie jumped up. She ran towards the door but stopped in her tracks.

If I find him, then what? If Enri wants to take his own life, is it right to stop him?

Marie paced by the door. Her love for Enri and her despair swirled in her mind. Enri was the brother she was closest to in Kaldura. She had spent most of the few happy moments in her life with him.

If Enri is dead, should I…?

As Marie stood trembling at the thought, Enri appeared in the doorway before her. He was dirty, bruised, and battered, and reeked of sweat.

“Enri! What happened to you?”

Enri only shook his head and sank to the floor in a heap. He could barely find his voice.

Marie quickly crouched down to check on him.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

Enri shook his head.

“No, sister. Later.”

Enri dragged himself to a small cot, no more than a heap of straw and a dirty blanket on the floor nearby, and promptly fell into a deep sleep. Marie soaked a cloth in some water and wiped the dirt off Enri’s face and arms. She noticed that his arms were particularly bruised as if he had been hit repeatedly.

Did the servants beat him? Poor Enri!

Marie sat back on her heels and felt tears spring to her eyes. She didn’t want Enri to die in front of everyone. She didn’t want him to suffer. Her mind wandered back to her earlier thoughts. She reached for the hem of her dress, where she had sown a secret pocket and hidden a small dagger. She pulled it out now and sat watching her brother.

A little time passed, and then Enri opened his eyes slowly. Marie hadn’t moved, and Enri was surprised to see her still sitting beside him. He wiped the sleep from his eyes and looked at her more closely, gasping at what he saw.

“Sister! What happened to your hair?”

Marie’s hair was long and beautiful like a galaxy falling to earth. But now it was short and jagged. She had cut it all off.

“I want you to switch clothes with me, Enri. You have a beautiful face. You can pass for a girl. You’ll be Marie, and I’ll be Enri until the festival ends.”

“Sister, why would you…?”

“My opponent in the festival is Lady Kurzina. She is known for her mercy. If you become Marie, you will surely survive.”

“You mean you’ll go against Lord Taric?”

Marie nodded.

“Come on, let’s switch clothes.”

“No, Marie. I’m not going to switch clothes with you, and I’m not going to change my name.”

“Enri, please! I want you to live!”

Enri couldn’t accept the offer. Just as Marie didn’t want Enri to die, Enri didn’t want Marie to die.

“I’m going to live. I’m going to fight Lord Taric. I’m going to win, and I’m going to survive.”

Marie thought Enri was being ridiculous. She was about to tell him so when they heard a commotion outside. Three of the other children who had been sitting huddled in the corner of the room suddenly sprung up and hurried towards the window to look down onto the street outside.

“Look! It’s a Velox wagon. Two of them!”

“Why are they stopping here?”

The stairs outside the door to the room creaked. Marie and Enri turned their attention to the doorway, where two figures were just about to enter.

The first person to step through the doorway was someone Enri immediately recognized. Enri had been training with this person only a few hours ago, learning the Black Fang swordsmanship.

Following behind Ed was another recognizable figure—a strikingly beautiful girl with long, black hair. Everyone in the room, including Marie and Enri, bowed respectfully as if they were about to prostrate themselves on the ground.

“Lady Kurzina!”

The other children were flustered and panicked. They stared from Ed to Kurzina in confusion. Ed was the most striking to them. His hair was silver, and his markings were clear. He was the offspring of a witch. How dare he hold his head high in front of Kurzina? Kurzina is the only daughter of Hathor, the fifth most powerful member of the Le Fay family.

If Kurzina’s presence alone wasn’t surprise enough, what she did next sent a ripple of shock through the room.

Kurzina got down on her knees, clasped her hands together, and pressed them to the floor before resting her forward on them.

“Lady Kurzina! What are you doing?!”

“R-raise your head, stand! Before someone sees!”

Marie gripped Enri’s hand as she tried to understand what she saw before her.

“Holy ones. Descendants of Saint Ygraine,” Kurzina began in a quiet voice. “The sins of my family are so deep and so profound that I dare not even ask for forgiveness, but in the hope of returning you at least a thousandth or ten-thousandth of what you deserve, I have packed a cart in my lowly and foolish way. Rebuke me for my laziness, for I have left the recipients of the holy blood cold and hungry for days to escape the eyes of those who believe in falsehood!”

Marie, Enri, and the other three children looked around at each other, unsure what to make of this statement.

“I told you to speak plainly, Kurzina,” Ed said, then turned his attention to Enri. “We brought clothes, blankets, and food. Help yourselves to what you need.”

Kurzina raised her head and looked at Ed.

“Forgive me, Lord Saint!”

“And I told you not to kneel.”

Kurzina sprung to her feet and nodded to Ed. Marie didn’t know what was happening, and she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Holy ones?! Descendents of Saint Ygraine?! Why on earth are you talking about us like that? Why is this silver-haired boy so confident? How dare you address Lady Kurzina so casually!”

Ed laughed.

“Come, we bought food. We’ll explain after we eat.”

***

After they had all had something to eat, Kurzina began to explain everything that Ed had told her and everything he had taught her since the day her cousin Yug killed Aruru, and Ed revealed the depth of his Magick abilities.

“You are the ones who deserve all the honor in the world!” she exclaimed excitedly.

The children exchanged glances, thinking Kurzina must be under some spell to talk crazy like that.

“So,” asked Marie. “What does it all mean?”

“Marie!” Enri gently slapped her hand. “Remember, you’re talking to Lady Kurzina!”

Kurzina simply smiled.

“Why don’t you explain what you’re struggling to understand?”

“Well,” Marie began. “If what you say is true, what difference does it make? It doesn’t mean anything if you’re the only ones who believe it. Our fate is sealed. We will still have to fight in the Festival of Saints, and most of us will likely die. Even if we survive, we’ll be sent back to Kaldura.”

Kurzina’s face harded.

“Oh, I’m going to spread the truth. I’ve been scouring the libraries trying to figure out when these lies started.”

“And did you have any luck? How will you get everyone to believe that we’re descendants of a goddess before the festival?”

Kurzina was speechless. The days leading up to the Festival of Saints were numbered. Even after searching the libraries, she’d only been able to find vague references to Bosha and Ygraine. They were myths rather than facts.

“Look,” said Marie. “Finding out what Kurzina told us won’t change our fate. It will only make us more miserable because we can’t change things.”

The other children were silent at Marie’s bluntness. They knew she spoke the truth. Kurzina shook her head. She might be the daughter of a powerful family, but a thirteen-year-old child was still powerless.

“I know people like you.”

It was Ed who had spoken up. He didn’t speak in a mocking voice, and neither was it sympathetic. Ed was staring straight at Marie.

“You think the world has already ended, don’t you?

Marie stared right back at him, defiance in her eyes.

“Hasn’t it? The world we live in has been doomed since we were born!”

Ed thought back. He knew Bosha had believed the same thing—that the world was ugly and nothing would ever change. And then he met Ygraine, and everything changed. He learned that the reason the world doesn’t change is that we never think it will.

“If we win the Festival of Saints, we’ll have a new story. We’ll rewrite history.”

“How stupid!” spat Marie, her frustration getting better. “How are we supposed to beat the descendants of Bosha? For children like us, the festival is a place to bow down and beg for mercy, not stand up and fight!”

“Enri didn’t tell you? I can help you defeat them.”

Marie laughed at that.

“How?! It’s futile!”

Ed remembered another conversation between Bosha and Ygraine. She was tending to the people in the village of Don. He distinctly recalled their words:

“A lot of people are sick, and you’re still walking around amongst them? We need to quarantine the sick!”

“Etoile fever can be cured with good hygiene and nutrition. All we need is for neighbors to look out for each other.”

“Are you kidding me? Who will care for the sick at the risk of getting sick?”

“We will. We can. People are born to do that.”

“You really think so?”

Bosha had scoffed at Ygraine, but the results weren’t what he expected. People didn’t ignore Ygraine’s pleas to pitch in and help each other. Instead, they cleaned their neighbors’ houses, made porridge, and helped feed the sick. Soon, the plague was over in seven out of ten of the Don villages.

To change, you need to believe you can change, thought Ed.

“I can show you that it’s not pointless.”

Ed turned to Enri and Kurzina.

“You two will help me show them. It’s time to fight.”

***

In the courtyard out in front of the wooden building, Kurzina stood, feet shoulder-width apart, arms raised, holding a spear that looked like it was made from lightning.

“Saint,” she asked Ed hesitantly. “Are you sure this is okay? What if I hurt one of Ygraine’s descendants?”

“It’s okay. They won’t be hurt.”

Marie stood to the side, watching as her brother stepped up and prepared to fight Kurzina. Her nerves were frazzled.

“Enri, stop this now! This is insane!”

A cold sweat broke out on Enri’s forehead as he gripped the sword. He’d only learned two moves, and it had only been a day since he learned how to fight for the first time in his life. He didn’t think he could beat Kurzina.

Nevertheless, he followed Ed’s advice because he wanted to show Marie that he could—that what he was doing was not pointless.

Put weight on the sword, throw your whole body, and slash upward.

He repeated these instructions like a mantra in his mind. Focusing all his energy on the sword in his hands, his eyes glowed as he stared at Kurzina’s spear.

“Now!” shouted Ed.

Kurzina launched the spear at Enri.

“No!”

Marie couldn’t bear to look. She clasped her hands over her eyes, and when she removed them, the place where the spear landed, where Enri had once stood, was a charred patch of dirt. She gasped.

Enri was standing in front of Kurzina.

A body holding a sword is the axis of a spinning top, the eye of a storm like the front paw of a black-fanged wolf charging.

Enri leaped and swung his sword, just as Ed had taught him, landing milimetres away from Kurzina. He held back his winning strike so he didn’t harm her.

The rest of the children began to murmur, shocked by what they had seen. Marie stood staring at Enri, her eyes wide.

“Enri… how did you… how did you do that?”